I Hate You--Don't Leave Me - Jerold J. Kreisman [38]
This possibility, however, by no means diminishes the importance of the growing number of borderline patients who are ending up in psychiatrists’ offices and of the growing recognition of borderline characteristics in the general population. In fact, the major reason why it has been identified and covered so widely in the clinical literature is its prevalence in both therapeutic settings and the general culture.
The Breakdown of Structure: A Fragmented Society
Few would dispute the notion that society has become more fragmented since the end of World War II. Family structures in place for decades—the nuclear family, extended family, one-wage-earner households, geographical stability—have been replaced by a wide assortment of patterns, movements, and trends. Divorce rates have soared. Drug and alcohol abuse and child neglect and abuse have skyrocketed. Crime, terrorism, and political assassination have become widespread, at times almost commonplace. Periods of economic uncertainty, exemplified in roller-coaster boom-and-bust scenarios, have become the rule, not the exception.
Some of these changes may be related to society’s failure to achieve a kind of “social rapprochement.” As noted in chapter 3, during the separation-individuation phase, the infant ventures cautiously away from mother but returns to her reassuring warmth, familiarity, and acceptance. Disruption of this rapprochement cycle often results in a lack of trust, disturbed relationships, emptiness, anxiety, and an uncertain self-image—characteristics that make up the borderline syndrome. Similarly, it may be seen that contemporary culture interferes with a healthy “social rapprochement” by obstructing access to comforting anchors. At no time has this disruption been more evident than in the first decade of the twenty-first century, racked as it has been by economic collapse, recession, loss of jobs, foreclosures, and so on. In most areas of the country, the need for two incomes to maintain a decent standard of living forces many parents to relinquish parenting duties to others; paid parental leave or on-site day care for new parents is still relatively rare and almost always limited. Jobs, as well as economic and social pressures, encourage frequent moves, and this geographical mobility, in turn, removes us from our stabilizing roots, as it did in Lisa’s family. We are losing (or have already lost) the comforts of neighborly nearby family and consistent social roles.
When the accoutrements of custom disappear, they may be replaced by a sense of abandonment, of being adrift in unchartered waters. Our children lack a sense of history and belonging—of an anchored presence in the world. To establish a sense of control and comforting familiarity in an alienating society, the individual may resort to a wide range of pathological behavior—substance addiction, eating disorders, criminal behaviors, and so on.
Society’s failure to provide rapprochement with reassuring, stabilizing bonds is reflected in the relentless series of sweeping societal movements over the past fifty years. We roller-coastered from the explosive other-directed, fight-for-social justice “We Decade” of the 1960s, to the narcissistic “Me Decade” of the 1970s, to the materialistic, look-out-for-number-one “Whee Decade” of the 1980s. The relatively prosperous and stable 1990s was followed by the turbulent 2000s: financial boom-and-busts, natural catastrophes (Katrina and other hurricanes, major tsunamis, earthquakes, and fires), a prolonged war, and sociopolitical movements (antiwar, gay rights)—bringing us almost full circle back to the 1960s.
One of the big losers in these tectonic shifts has been group loyalties—devotion to family, neighborhood, church, occupation, and country. As society continues