I Hate You--Don't Leave Me - Jerold J. Kreisman [42]
Shifting Gender Role Patterns
Earlier in the last century, social roles were fewer, well defined, and much more easily combined. Mother was domestic, working in the home, in charge of the children. Outside interests, such as school involvement, hobbies, and charity work, flowed naturally from these duties. Father’s work and community visibility also combined smoothly. And, together, their roles worked synchronously.
The complexities of modern society, however, dictate that the individual develop a plethora of social roles—many of which do not combine so easily. The working mother, for example, has two distinct roles and must struggle to perform both well. The policies of most employers demand that the working mom keep the home and workplace separate; as a result, many mothers feel guilty or embarrassed when problems from one impact the other.
A working father also finds work and home roles compartmentalized. He is no longer the owner of the local grocery who lives above the store. More likely, he works miles from home and has much less time to be with his family. What’s more, the modern dad plays an increasingly participatory role with familial responsibility.
Shifting role patterns over the last twenty-five years are central to theories on why BPD is identified more commonly in women. In the past, a woman had essentially one life course—getting married (usually in her late teens or early twenties), having children, staying in the home to raise those children, and repressing any career ambitions. Today, in contrast, a young woman is faced with a bewildering array of role models and expectations—from the single career woman, to the married career woman, to the traditional nurturing mother, to the “supermom,” who strives to combine marriage, career, and children successfully.
Men have also experienced new roles and expectations, of course, but not nearly so wide-ranging—nor conflicting—as women. Today, men are expected to be more sensitive and open and to take a larger part in child raising than in previous eras, yet these qualities and responsibilities usually fit within the overall role of “provider” or “co-provider.” It is the rare man who, for example, abandons career ambitions for the role of “househusband,” nor is this expected of him.
Men have fewer adjustments to make during the evolution of relationships and marriages. For example, relocations are usually dictated by the man’s career needs, since he is most often the primary wage earner. Throughout pregnancy, birth, and child rearing, few changes occur in the man’s day-to-day reality. The woman not only endures the physical demands of pregnancy and childbirth and must leave her job to give birth, but it is also she who must make the transition back to work or give up her career. And yet in many dual-earner households, although it may not be openly stated, the woman simply assumes the primary responsibility for the maintenance of the home. She is the one who usually adjusts her plans to stay home with a sick child or waits for the repairman to come.
Though women have struggled successfully to achieve increased social and career options, they may have had to pay an exacting price in the process: excruciating life decisions about career, families, and children; strains on their relationships with their children and husband; the stress resulting from making and living with these decisions; and confusion about who they are and who they want to be. From this perspective, it is understandable that women should be more closely associated with BPD, a disorder in which identity and role confusion are such central components.