I Hate You--Don't Leave Me - Jerold J. Kreisman [47]
Twitter, the most recent electronic “rage” to sweep the (faux) nation, is unabashed in its narcissistic bent. A kind of instant text-messaging service, “tweeting” is intended to announce (in 140 characters or less) “what I’m doing” to a group of “followers.” There is little pretense that the communication is intended to be a two-way street.
Few would dispute the growing narcissism in American culture. Initially documented by Tom Wolfe’s landmark article “The Me Decade” in 1976 and Christopher Lasch’s Culture of Narcissism in 1978, the narcissistic impulse has been evidenced since then by a wide assortment of cultural trends: reality TV turning its fodder participants into instant famous-for-being-famous celebrities; plastic surgery exploding into a growth industry; indulgent parenting, celebrity worship, lust for material wealth, and now social networking creating one’s own group of faux friends. As Jean M. Twenge and W. Keith Campbell note in The Narcissism Epidemic (2009): “The Internet brought useful technology but also the possibility of instant fame and a ‘Look at me!’ mentality. . . . People strive to create a ‘personal brand’ (also called ‘self-branding’), packaging themselves like a product to be sold.”33
As a relatively recent phenomenon, it is too soon to know whether social media is a passing fad or a transformative technological innovation, though it can be safely said that researchers and clinicians should keep a watchful eye on its overall psychological effect, not to mention the inherent potential physical danger, especially for young people.
Chapter Five
Communicating with the Borderline
Alright . . . what do you want me to say? Do you want me to say it’s funny, so you can contradict me and say it’s sad? Or do you want me to say it’s sad so you can turn around and say no, it’s funny. You can play that damn little game any way you want to, you know!
—From Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, by Edward Albee
The borderline shifts her personality like a rotating kaleidoscope, rearranging the fragmented glass of her being into different formations—each collage different, yet each, her. Like a chameleon, the borderline transforms herself into any shape that she imagines will please the viewer.
Dealing with borderline behavior can be frustrating for everyone in regular contact with the borderline personality because, as we have seen, their explosions of anger, rapid mood swings, suspiciousness, impulsive actions, unpredictable outbursts, self-destructive actions, and inconsistent communications are understandably upsetting to all around them.
In this chapter we will describe a consistent, structured method of communicating with borderlines—the SET-UP system—that can be easily understood and adopted by family, friends, and therapists for use on a daily basis, and which may help in convincing a borderline to consider treatment (see chapter 7).
The SET-UP system evolved as a structured framework of communication with the borderline in crisis. During such times, communication with the borderline is hindered by his impenetrable, chaotic internal force field, characterized by three major feeling states: terrifying aloneness, feeling misunderstood, and overwhelming helplessness.
As a result, concerned individuals are often unable to reason calmly with the borderline and instead are forced to confront outbursts of rage, impulsive destructiveness, self-harming threats or gestures, and unreasonable demands for caretaking. SET-UP responses can serve to address the underlying fears, dilute the borderline conflagration, and prevent a “meltdown” into greater conflict.
Although SET-UP was developed for the borderline in crisis, it can also be useful for others who require