I Just Want You to Know_ Letters to My Kids on Love, Faith, and Family - Kate Gosselin [19]
We pushed through. We started with church and took on more challenges over time. Each trip taught us something that we applied to the planning and logistics of the next one. Looking back, I can see that it would have been easy to allow our fears to keep us inside our house, but by tackling that fear head on, we were able to expand our comfort zone. That first trip to the zoo wasn’t a treat, but it was a confidence builder and formed the foundation for the trips we took later and enjoyed. We didn’t let the bad times stop us from trying again. We learned that anything was possible, not because of the right preparation, but because of the right attitude. That’s the bottom line. It takes a lot of energy, but if you want something enough, it can be done.
4
DEAR JESUS
Starting from the time the little kids turned two, my faith started to grow and became personal to me, and I began writing prayers—in essence, my own letters to God—in my journal as an expression of faith.
When the little kids were born, we just needed God to show up and provide for us. It wasn’t until two years later that I realized and understood that he wanted a unique and personal relationship with each of us. He created each of us uniquely and we all matter to him—our needs, wants, and desires are all important to God. I could have done fertility treatments for years, and if it wasn’t his plan for us to have twins and sextuplets, we wouldn’t have had them—or any kids for that matter. This was God’s perfect plan for us, and I was awed by the realization that he had a plan for my life and for my family. He uniquely picked me to be the mother of these exact kids, and I needed to trust that his plan was the best plan for me. Accordingly, I needed to adjust “my plan” with his perfect plan—even when it felt exhausting (which was pretty much all the time).
My faith was always important to me but it was never more important than when I had to depend on God to provide for my family. I prayed for little things and big things; praying made it possible for me not to worry anymore. I asked him to lead my prayers because I truly didn’t want anything that God didn’t want for me. He never failed us. His provision was so clear, we could not deny it. Every single day we saw a miracle.
One of my very favorite stories—and one that I mention frequently—began on Christmas Eve in 2006 when my brother and sisters and their families came over to celebrate the holiday with us. After dinner, as we were doing dishes, my sister Kendra was talking about a family at her church with four kids, whose Christmas was going to be difficult for them because the dad had been unemployed for over a year.
As I handed her a dish to dry, I got a sick feeling in my stomach and thought, “Been there, done that. I do not ever want to go back to that time in our lives.”
After they left, I could not stop thinking about that family. I knew God was saying I needed to write them a check. I remember arguing with him for a few days, but he wouldn’t let up and even put a number in my head. Finally, out of exasperation, I called my sister to get the family’s name and address. I wrote out the check right then and there and ran to the mailbox. (You would run too if you had six two-year-olds ready to disassemble your house on a moment’s notice. ) When I opened up the mailbox, I saw another envelope inside with a bow on it. It hadn’t come through the mail system. In my best time-saving skills, I ripped open the envelope as I was running back to the house. I literally almost fell over when I saw what was inside: A gift card for Sam’s Club in the exact amount I had just written the check for.
This is only one example of the many times God has provided perfectly. We could not deny his work in our house. Chance could not have put that envelope in our mailbox with the gift card. In the exact amount. On that exact day. This still amazes me.
One day when