I Just Want You to Know_ Letters to My Kids on Love, Faith, and Family - Kate Gosselin [5]
We stopped comparing ourselves to other families and set about making our own path in the world. People still stared at us and counted us when we went out. Our safety and health issues were still magnified times eight. We still ate more boxes of cereal and more eggs at breakfast than other families did. But we began to see all of that as our normal.
Learning to redefine our expectations was a huge blessing because it was during those years that our show really took off. By the time we left Elizabethtown, we would once again have to redefine a new normal, one that included even more stares and pointing, as well as lights, cameras, and a whole lot of action.
Letter to Cara
Dear Cara,
I waited my whole life to be your mommy. You are what I dreamed of when I thought of being a mother. Although I knew I’d love you a lot, I had no idea the depth of my love for you…until you were in my arms!
My love for you is a lot more than hugs and kisses, snuggles and cuddles—although those things are extremely important and irreplaceable. However, the things you don’t notice so much—the decisions I make that affect your life now and in the future, the ways I keep you safe and protect you, the life skills I teach you—these things also greatly impact and make up a mommy’s love.
My first few years as a mommy, taking care of you and Mady, were absolutely some of the best years of my life. At times, being a mom was the most difficult task I had ever embarked on; however, I was always aware of the blessing that you and Mady were to me. I felt honored and privileged to be your mommy. Two gifts given to me, when I felt undeserving of even one!
I never said it out loud, but when I was pregnant with you, I deeply hoped and prayed for two baby girls. And on that day in May 2000 when I had my ultrasound, I found out my dream of “two pinks” had come true! I hurried home and began preparing your pink and purple pastel nursery. And of course I couldn’t resist buying any and every pink and purple coordinating outfit available.
My feelings of maternal bliss soared, and I spent every moment imagining what it would be like to be a mommy. Even though my pregnancy was difficult—I was sick most of the time—I kept myself focused on the delivery day when I would see your precious little face for the first time.
On your birthday, October 8, 2000, when I went into labor and Daddy took me to the hospital, I was very excited but very afraid. Just as you were about to be born, I thought to myself, “There are two of us and very soon we will be three!” (Adding Mady six minutes later made us four!)
When I saw your little face for the first time, I cried at the miracle of birth. I was officially a mommy—your mommy! I brought you home and didn’t know who you were. I learned quickly that you were gentle, kind, and sweet. You were a patient baby and child.
In the first few days, I noticed a little red mark on the left side of the bridge of your little nose. Every day it became more distinct and apparent. Finally, I realized it was a birthmark, and later our pediatrician confirmed that it was a hemangioma. I felt sure I had caused the birthmark and was very upset (which was the very beginning of my now infamous mommy guilt). To me, you were perfect, birthmark and all. You were a beautiful little girl who was perfectly healthy—and for that I was grateful!
One day, when you were about three, you were playing outside in the driveway and a little girl walking by with her grandfather stopped to play. She asked about your hemangioma on the side of your nose, and Mady stepped in with the details as to why you had the “strawberry.” She said an angel