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scotchie (South African slang) a ‘missed call’ which communicates some pre-arranged message or requires the receiver to call back at their expense, thereby saving the first caller the cost of the call

fox hole (UK slang 2007) the area beneath one’s desk (in these days of open-plan offices) where telephone calls can take place peacefully

SNAIL MAIL

Of course, the old-fashioned letter still has its uses, as these Service slang words indicate: the key one being, in these days of retentive hard drives, that once you’ve destroyed your message, it leaves no trace:

yam yum a love letter

giz to read a pal’s letter to his girlfriend; to offer advice

gander a look through the mail, a glance over another’s shoulder at a letter or paper

flimsies the rice paper on which important messages are written and which can be eaten without discomfort in case of capture

VISITING HOURS

Or you can do that wonderfully traditional thing and pay a call in person:

pasteboard (1864) to leave one’s visiting card at someone’s residence

cohonestation (17C) honouring with one’s company

gin pennant (Royal Navy slang) a green and white triangular pennant flown to indicate an invitation on board for drinks

GR8

The arrival of mobile phones on the scene led immediately to some interesting usages. In the first wave of texting came shortened versions of much-used phrases:

F2T free to talk

AFAIK as far as I know

T+ think positive

BCNU be seeing you

HAND have a nice day

KIT keep in touch

CUL8R see you later

ZZZ tired, bored

When people switched to predictive text, they discovered the phenomenon of the phone’s software coming up with the wrong word; most famously book for cool (so teenagers started describing their hipper friends as ‘book’). Other textonyms include:

lips for kiss

shag for rich

carnage for barmaid

poisoned for Smirnoff

A LITTLE SOMETHING

A gift, however small, will always go down well:

toecover (1948) an inexpensive and useless present

xenium (Latin 1706) a gift given to a guest

exennium (Old English law) a gift given at New Year

groundbait (Royal Navy slang) a box of chocolates or something similar given to a lady friend in pursuit of a greater prize

DIGNITY AND PRIDE

In the US, the knuckles touched together are called, variously, closed-fist high fives, knuckle buckles or fist jabs. Done horizontally, the gesture is called a pound; vertically it’s the dap (which some say is an acronym of ‘dignity and pride’). Other greetings, of course, involve words, but hopefully not misunderstandings:

dymsassenach (Cheshire) a mangled Welsh phrase meaning ‘I don’t understand English’

shaggledick (Australian slang) an affectionate greeting for someone who is familiar but whose name doesn’t come to mind

take me with you (Tudor–Stuart) let me understand you clearly

thuten (Middle English 1100–1500) to say ‘thou’ to a person, to become a close friend

ALL RIGHT, MATE?

You never get a second chance to make a first impression, so be aware of how you’re coming across:

corduroy voice (US 1950s) a voice that continually fluctuates between high and low (from the up-and-down ridges in corduroy)

yomp (Cheshire) to shout with the mouth wide open

snoach (1387) to speak through the nose

psellism (1799) an indistinct pronunciation, such as produced by a lisp or by stammering

RABBIT, RABBIT

Though there are always those who just can’t help themselves:

macrology (1586) much talk with little to say

clatterfart (1552) a babbler, chatterer

chelp (Northern and Midlands 19C) to chatter or speak out of turn

blatteroon (1645) a person who will not stop talking

clitherer (Galway) a woman with too much to say

air one’s vocabulary (c.1820) to talk for the sake of talking

SMOOTH CUSTOMER

Chit-chat apart, good manners always go down well (however bogus they may be):

garbist (1640) one who is adept at engaging in polite behaviour

jaisy (Midlands) a polite, effeminate man

sahlifahly (Nottinghamshire) to make flattering