I Never Knew There Was a Word for It - Adam Jacot De Boinod [110]
bat wings flabby undersides of the upper arms
banana fold fat below the buttocks
chubb fat around the kneecaps
hail damage cellulite (from its pitted similarity to the effects of hail)
MODEL FIGURES
So it must be reassuring to some that being skinny can also attract unfavourable notice (especially when combined with height):
windlestraw (1818) a thin, lanky person
straight up six o’clock girl (US black 1940s) a thin woman
slindgy (Yorkshire 1897) tall, gaunt and sinewy
gammerstang (1570) a tall, awkward woman
stridewallops (Yorkshire) a tall, long-legged girl
flacket (Suffolk) a girl, tall and slender, who flounces about in loose hanging clothes
NAPOLEON COMPLEX
The awful truth is that from the playground onwards, people who don’t meet the average have always had to put up with mockery. Luckily, vertically challenged role models from Alexander the Great to Napoleon have often had the last laugh:
youfat (Ayrshire 1821) diminutive, puny
gudget (Donegal) a short thick-set man
dobbet (Cornwall) a short, stumpy little person
pyknic (1925) short and squat in build, with small hands and feet, short limbs and neck, a round face and a domed abdomen
endomorphic (1888) being short but powerful
NIP AND TUCK
So in the short term what can you do to change things? Wear platform shoes. Go on a diet. Or consider having some ‘work’ done:
pumping party (Miami slang 2003) illegal gatherings where plastic surgeons give back street injections of silicone, botox, etc.
rhytidectomy (1931) the surgical removal of facial wrinkles
roider (US slang 2005) someone who injects illegal steroids to enhance his body
reveal party (US current slang) a party held to celebrate successful cosmetic treatment, especially cosmetic surgery or dentistry
MAKEOVER
Then again, you could just pop down to the salon and have a less final and painful sort of revamp:
whiffle cut a very short haircut worn by US soldiers in the Second World War
farmer’s haircut (US slang 1984) a short haircut that leaves a white strip of skin showing between the bottom of the hair and the tanned portion of the neck
follow-me-lads (mid 19C) curls that hang over a woman’s shoulder
krobylos (Ancient Greek 1850) a tuft of hair on top of one’s head
acersecomic (1612) one whose hair has never been cut
FACE FUNGUS
Ever since William the Conqueror passed a law against beards, facial hair has gone in and out of fashion. After the return of the heroic soldiers from the Crimea in the 1850s, the hirsute look became wildly popular:
dundrearies (1858) a pair of whiskers that, cut sideways from the chin, are grown as long as possible (named after the comic character Lord Dundreary in the popular Victorian play Our American Cousin; these excessive sidechops, popular with gentlemen perambulating the centre of the capital, were also known as Piccadilly Weepers)
burke (c.1870) to dye one’s moustache
bostruchizer (Oxford University c.1870) a small comb for curling the whiskers
THREADBARE
From five o’clock stubble to the pudding ring (Florida slang), a facial decoration made up of a moustache and a goatee, many men cherish their beards because it’s the only kind of hair they have left:
pilgarlic (1529) a bald man (referring to a peeled head of garlic)
skating rink (US current slang) a bald head
egg-shell blonde (New Zealand 1949) a bald man
Better such terms as these than being fingered for having a brillo (UK playground slang), a merciless expression for the style of a middle-aged male who is attempting to fluff up every hair to disguise his ever-expanding pate.
SNIFFER
air can do only so much to frame a face. You can’t escape the features you’ve been given, especially that one in the middle:
simous (1634) having a very flat nose or with the end turned up
proboscidiform (1837) having a nose like an elephant’s trunk
macrosmatic (1890)