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• Classic-Fiction

biggin (1530) a tight-fitting cap tied under the chin, usually worn by children or as a nightcap by men

goodgodster (Winchester College 1920) a brown bowler hat (from the exclamation necessarily uttered by anyone seeing so strange a thing)

WORD JOURNEYS

corset (14C from Latin and Old French) a little body

mitten (14C from Old French) divided in the middle

garter (14C from Old French) the bend in the knee

tuxedo (from Amerindian) a wolf; then the name of a lake near New York whose residents in 1886 became so socially important that its name was given to a new style of dinner coats

GOING WEST

Illness, death and

spiritual matters

Sicknesse doth wound or afflict the flesh,

but it cures the soule

(1624)

The idealized body is all very well to look at, in a painting or beautiful photograph. But in life, of course, bodies are constantly working organisms, managing repetitive functions that we often try and pretend are not actually happening to us. Just look at the string of euphemisms for our regular trips to the loo or restroom. We go and check the price of wheat in Chicago (Fife), see the vicar and book a seat for evensong (Isle of Wight), shake the dew from one’s orchid (Cumbria) or wring out one’s socks (Kent).

WIND AND WATER

Related functions can cause us huge embarrassment, as we attempt to ignore the fact that air needs to be released or that sometimes the body will reject what we try and put into it:

fluff (Yorkshire) to break wind silently

dumb insolence (1916) breaking wind on parade

thorough cough (b.1811) coughing and breaking wind backwards at the same time

bespawl (Tudor–Stuart) to bespatter with saliva

vurp (UK teen talk) a belching action that’s somewhere between vomiting and burping

bake it (late 19C) to refrain from visiting the loo when one should go there

ELF WARNING

Nor, sadly, can we rely on the body always to be in tip-top condition:

phthisickin (Essex) a slight, tickling cough

waff (1808) just the slightest touch of illness (especially of a cold)

aelfsogooa (Anglo-Saxon) a hiccough, thought to have been caused by elves

blepharospasm (1872) uncontrollable winking galea (1854) a headache which covers the entire head like a helmet mubble-fubbles (1589) a fit of depression

sirkenton (Ayrshire) one who is very careful to avoid pain or cold and keeps near the fire

MENS SANA

Though sometimes malfunction of the body has more to do with the mind that controls it …

formication (1707) the sensation of bugs crawling over one’s body

trichotillomania (1889) the compulsive desire to pull out one’s hair

boanthropy (1864) the belief that one is an ox

uranomania (1890) the delusion that one is of Heavenly descent

calenture (1593) a distemper peculiar to sailors in hot climates, where they imagine the sea to be green fields, and will throw themselves into it

DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE

Calling in professional assistance is sure to be a good plan, even if the treatment prescribed may sometimes seem a bit unusual:

urtication (1837) the act of whipping a palsied or benumbed limb with nettles to restore its feeling

bezoar (1580) a stone from a goat’s stomach considered a universal antidote to poisons

organ recital (medical jargon) a detailing of one’s medical history (especially of a hypochondriac’s)

emporiatrics (medical terminology) the science of travellers’ health (jet lag, exotic infections, overexposure to hot or cold, altitude sickness etc.)

GOD KNOWS

Irreverent medical acronyms are used by some doctors on patients’ charts:

UBI Unexplained Beer Injury

PAFO Pissed And Fell Over

GORK God Only Really Knows (a hospital patient who is, and may well remain, comatose)

TEETH Tried Everything Else, Try Homeopathy

GPO Good for Parts Only

It has been known that certain medics use the letters O and Q to describe their very oldest patients, with respectively, their mouths open, and their tongues out.

PULLING THROUGH

The sad fact remains that in the lottery of illness, some are fortunate …

umbersorrow