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pepper’s ghost a trick used to create a ‘ghost’ on stage by using an inclined sheet of plate glass onto which an actor can be projected as if ‘walking through air’

bird’s nest crepe wool used to construct false beards

LIGHTS UP

But once you’re out there, darling, all you can do is stick to the script and hope for the best:

ventilator a play so appallingly bad that the audience leaves well before the final curtain, and their seats are filled only with fresh air

exsibilation (1640) the collective hisses of a disapproving audience

handcuffed an actor’s description of an audience who will not applaud

stiff (1930s) a terrible joke, rewarded only by silence

soso (1930s) a joke rewarded by a smile, but not a laugh

gravy easy laughs from a friendly audience

crack the monica (music hall jargon c.1860) to ring the bell to summon a performer to reappear

BUMS ON SEATS

Though you may be deep into your role, you’ll still have one eye on the view beyond the footlights:

plush family empty seats in the auditorium (i.e. the plush-covered seats that can be seen from the stage)

paper the house to give away free theatre tickets in order to fill up an undersubscribed performance

whiskey seats seats on the aisle (popular both with critics, who need to get out before the rush and phone in their reviews, and those who like to escape to the bar when the action palls)

baskets are in a full house (from the one-time practice of leaving the prop baskets as security against the income of a touring company: if the house didn’t guarantee the payment of the theatre’s rent, the props were theoretically forfeit)

MAGIC CIRCLE

But let’s please never forget that the stage is not simply a venue for actors. Other fine artists offer equally enjoyable entertainment:

burn (conjuring jargon) staring at the magician’s hands without averting your gaze, no matter what misdirection is thrown

riffle (conjuring jargon) to let cards come out of the hand, creating a noise

grimoire (French 1849) a magician’s manual of black magic for invoking demons

cultrivorous (1846) actual or illusory knife-swallowing

drollic (1743) pertaining to a puppet show

swazzle (1942) a mouthpiece used by a puppeteer to make the squeaking voice of Mr Punch

MORE WHIFFLE

Other performers don’t even need a stage. From break to Morris dance, a pavement or floor is more than enough:

gaff a dancer’s belt, the protection under his tights for his genitals

garlic (17C) a lively jig

applejack (1980s) a basic move to challenge another breakdancer to a competition, squatting down, falling back onto your hands, and kicking one leg high in the air, then springing back onto both legs

whiffler the man with the whip in Morris dancing

CROONERS

Singers, too, can operate anywhere:

griddle (b.1851) to sing in the streets

woodshedding (1976) spontaneous barbershop singing (originally meaning a place to rehearse music privately)

barcarole (French 1779) a gondolier’s song

rumbelow (1315) a meaningless song or refrain sung by sailors while rowing a boat (e.g. Heave Ho or Hey-Ho)

aubade (Franco-Provençal 1678) a song at sunrise

scolion (Ancient Greek 1603) a song sung in turn by the guests at a banquet

ROCK FOLLIES

Though why be a busker when you could be a star? Or at least get as near to one as possible …

guerrilla gig a performance by a band in an unlikely venue, where they play until they are evicted

mosh to engage in uninhibited, frenzied activities with others near the stage at a rock concert (mosh pit the place near the stage at a rock concert where moshing occurs)

wollyhumper a bouncer employed by a rock band to make sure no fans manage to climb on stage while they play or, if they have climbed up, to throw them down again

résumé on a rope a backstage pass

woodpecker people who nod their heads to the music being played while paying no attention

GOGGLE BOX

There is one contemporary venue where almost all performers are happy to be seen; and behind the scenes in TV land, too, a whole rich lingo has grown