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11. Show Up Just the Way You Are Right Now

Most of us go to our graves with our music still inside us.

—OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES

Many people say they need to be different than they are before they can shift their lives. I disagree. Now is a great time to show up for something new. Don’t wait to play the music within you; don’t let the instrument get out of tune or fall apart.

You create self-acceptance by showing up just the way you are right now! That means you can show up:

interested

afraid

worried

overweight

tired

curious

preoccupied

with thinning hair

anxious

happy

sad

messed up

unprepared

ashamed

confused

depressed

with opinions

with a blank mind

with expectations

with anger

with love

and many other combinations of

qualities and feelings

What is something you’ve wanted to do, but never got around to? Piano lessons, flying, aikido, calling on a neighbor, trying out for a play, painting the bathroom purple? Take those thoughts out of the recesses of your mind and bring them into the foreground. Why not? Why not do it soon? It doesn’t matter how you do it. What do you have to lose? To the extent you are willing to do it for the fun or adventure of it, it’s less likely to provoke anxiety.

You don’t have to be totally confident, fearless, or clear. Life sometimes is uncertain, blurry, and confusing, and you can still take action.

Another way to show up is to tell someone you messed up a job, or that you feel lost or clumsy, or that you did something quite brilliant. Take whatever you tend to hide out of the closet and let it be known. To paraphrase the song, “Self-acceptance is another word for nothing left to hide.” Every time you reveal yourself there’s more flow on the inside, and there’s less to hide or be afraid of. Many people don’t talk to others about themselves because they don’t feel worthy of being listened to or they feel ashamed of their actions or problems. Acceptance requires that we break such patterns.

Showing up just the way you are helps you relax into your natural self. We’re not here to put on masks; we’re here to live, explore, learn, and feel joy.

To show up for life feeling awkward or afraid is more expansive than to appear with a cheerful mask that hides your feelings. At the heart of acceptance you can remember the Buddhist teaching that everything is One Energy; nothing is inherently bad about singing off-key, being afraid, or doing a mediocre job, just as there is nothing inherently good about joy and happiness, or getting a positive evaluation. There is our momentary experience—and when we deny it, we deny ourselves.

So take your perfectly imperfect self and show up for something new, be it a conversation, a class, or a quiet hour. Showing up for a new experience will be easy or difficult; you’ll enjoy it or you won’t; it will lead you where you want to end up, or it won’t. It’s all part of the same dance. Just do it and see what happens.

12. Learn to Step Out of Your Own Way

At the historic core of every religion is not ritual, but someone who broke through ritual to direct contact with the transcendental. They were discovering it and living it. Moses, Jesus, Buddha, Lao-tzu, Mohammed were not following anything but the expression of their direct contact with the actuality of life.

—STEVEN HARRISON , DOING NOTHING

Years ago, in a state of rapture at a concert by flautist Jean-Pierre Rampal, my friend Martha Boesing leaned over and said, “It’s so beautiful. It’s as if he gets out of the way and lets the music come through him.”

I’ve pondered for years what it means to get out of the way of what I’m doing. For starters I’ve wondered, who’s getting out of the way of whom? It seems there are two parts within each person: one part that plays the instrument and the other part—the ego—that needs to get out of the way. What I’ve come to understand is this: there is the spirit of me—a spirit in a body, a conduit of energy,