If the Buddha Got Stuck_ A Handbook for Change on a Spiritual Path - Charlotte Sophia Kasl [73]
As another example, if you are unhappy or bored in your job, ask, Is it about the work itself? My relationship with my boss? The salary? The work load? Relationships with other employees? A dead end path? Too far to commute?
If you are troubled in a relationship, you might ask, Do I know what’s troubling me? Am I afraid to bring it up? Have we talked about it fully? Would counseling help? Do I have too many expectations? Would more time together help? Am I staying because I’m afraid to give up the financial security (which leads to another set of questions to explore)? Is it fully clear that I want to leave and need to make a plan to do so?
Think of one thing you can do to address one piece of the problem or list a possible sequence of actions, and put them on a calendar. Make a date with yourself to do them. Even if it’s just a phone call to get information, write it down and say when you will do it. Taking that first step is like turning a key in the stuck place and changing gears.
3. Set your intention. Resolve to change the situation.
Setting an intention is about getting really focused. It’s so much about owning your stuff and not blaming anyone else. It’s like saying, I’m going to take responsibility for my happiness, my life, my everything.
—DODIE MOQUIN, PSYCHOTHERAPIST
We move closer to taking action when we have a talk with ourselves: okay enough of this. I’ve said for three years I’m going to stop yelling at the kids/take a parenting class, exercise, eat better, start looking for a new job, take steps to improve our sex life/relationship, and I’m still not doing it. I’m going to figure out what this is about and change it. You feel the fire rising. Very often it helps to call a friend and ask them to either help you or be your cheering squad. Tell them exactly when you plan to take one step, and ask if you can call them for a verbal high five when you follow through.
Setting an intention takes us another step out of the swirl. It needs to be more than a New Year’s resolution to change a behavior. It means you are going to expand the boundaries of what you think you deserve, think bigger, stretch your mind beyond whatever limitations you were handed as a child. The intention must also include a willingness to meet any resistance or fear that arises—the censors, nay-sayers, and frightened parts that sabotage our actions. “I will not let irrational fear control me” is a helpful vow to take.
Setting an intention is like casting out a line and seeing where it takes you. In other words, be open to surprises. Often when we start down one path a more intriguing one presents itself and we do well to change course.
4. Gather information: open up, reach out, talk to people, research the situation, and explore all possibilities.
Creative thinking requires an outlook that allows you to search for ideas, and play with your knowledge and experience. You use crazy, foolish, and impractical ideas as stepping stones to practical new ideas. You break the rules occasionally, and explore for ideas in unusual outside places.
—ROGER VON OECH,, AWHACK ON THE SIDE OF THE HEAD
At this stage you ask yourself, “What are the possibilities? What do I need to do? What do I need to let go of? How do I gather information? Who can I talk to? Who has faced a similar situation?” You can go to libraries, read books, look on the internet, and again, talk with people. Put out your antenna in all directions. So often the Buddha is just around the corner waiting to help you if you’ll only open your eyes. She may be the woman standing at the check-out counter, your child’s school teacher, your office assistant, your neighbor, or she may be sitting next to you on a bus.
Brainstorm various possibilities or solutions no matter how improbable or unlikely. It’s far better to have lots of options to choose from than a single plan. Keep opening your imagination and your perceptions