If the Buddha Got Stuck_ A Handbook for Change on a Spiritual Path - Charlotte Sophia Kasl [76]
As I’ve mentioned earlier, the primary purpose of this book is to work on the preparatory steps toward the ultimate level in Buddhism, which is letting go of the separate self, or individual identity, so you dwell in the flow of life. Thus, our exploration focuses on how negativity keeps us self-absorbed, locked into the ego, and creates suffering. The point is to notice the connections between our thinking and being stuck . . . or unstuck.
For many, negativity is a chronic interpretation of the world that reflects an inner sense of helplessness and despair. “The world is a mess.” “You can never get anywhere.” “Everyone is an incompetent idiot.” “I might as well drink, scream at the kids, or spend all my money. Tomorrow may never come anyhow.” These are some catchphrases that are learned in families where constant complaining and blaming are habitual.
I spoke with Maggie, who had been through numerous substance abuse treatment programs with only intermittent success. She said that visiting her family usually triggered a desire to drink or smoke. I asked her to describe what family visits were like. “Oh, they sit around and talk about the banks cheating us, and the poor getting ripped off, and how you can’t trust anyone, and how nobody really cares, how stupid the neighbors are, and how it’s a waste of money to have policemen anyhow, they never help. Sometimes they eat a lot or smoke dope and just sit around.”
I asked Maggie what kinds of thoughts went through her head as a result. “Well, it used to be exactly the same as my family. I thought life was hopeless, so why not drink. Then in treatment I heard people making plans for their lives, having fun, being nice to each other, and helping each other to get on track. It felt really good, but it’s hard for me to hang onto.” As Maggie eventually realized, “The only way to be with my family was to be negative. If I was optimistic or said something nice about a friend they’d laugh at me or mock me, as if I was getting soft. I’ve had to stay away, which is hard.”
If you have a chronic negativity habit, notice how it affects your mood, body, and motivation to make changes. When you’re gloomy and depressed, the cells, bones, hormones, blood, and muscles in your body are depressed, and so is your immune system. When you have a positive outlook, your cells, bones, hormones, blood, muscles and immune system are given an infusion of energy.
Sometimes external stimulus leads to negativity. One friend said, “I’ve got to stop watching three hours of violent mysteries a night because I’m always dragged down in the morning.” Notice by contrast what happens when you read an uplifting book—and I don’t mean plastic happiness—I mean an account of someone who has shown grit and creativity and has taken positive action in their life. It’s one thing to watch a historical movie that has a positive message, such as Schindler’s List, and quite another to watch fast-moving violence with no social context or meaning.
While for the most part I have mostly spoken of being with whatever happens inside, when it comes to negative thinking you sometimes need to interrupt it to stop it from becoming an endless downward spiral. One psychological approach is to interrupt negative thoughts immediately and replace them with something else—take a small action, be grateful for what you do have, sing a song, recite a verse or poem, say a prayer, get up and move around—whatever stops the downward spiral. You need to send a message to the nervous system of “I’m not going there anymore.” A naturopath or kinesiologist can help work with biochemical imbalances in the body that