If the Buddha Got Stuck_ A Handbook for Change on a Spiritual Path - Charlotte Sophia Kasl [8]
Experiencing endless turmoil in relationships is perhaps one of the deepest and most disturbing forms of being stuck. It stresses the mind, spirit, and body. Easing your relationship turmoil so you can have companionship, intimacy, and joy is for many a major part of getting unstuck.
For Matt, a malaise about work and recent relationships was what stood out. “I can’t figure out what I want to do for a living, or a career,” Matt said in a flat voice. “Everything I like doing doesn’t pay, like taking troubled kids for summer camp trips and hikes, or working in a book store. Nothing seems to excite me.” He went on to tell about two relationships that had fallen apart, well, mostly just faded away into boredom. Without access to his emotions, Matt had no internal thermostat to signal what brought joy, excitement, or stimulation. Getting his life unstuck required a tenacious willingness to stay with his feelings and learn to recognize the fear that lay under his habit of disconnecting.
For Margie and Bob, the stuck place came from the overwhelming stress they experienced as two professional working parents with two young rambunctious boys. Married for eight years, life had turned into “stress city,” as Margie put it. “We weren’t spending enough time with the children. We were always rushing around to get things done, and our nerves were often frayed—we’d start snapping at each other or feel depressed.” “It wasn’t how I wanted to live, either,” Bob commented in his easy drawl. “We could do it, but life wasn’t fun, and it sure wasn’t good for the kids.”
Long ago Margie and Bob had promised each other that life never was to be put on the shelf, so they decided to simplify life, live frugally, and have one parent stay at home until the children were in school.
Their move to action was a team effort that involved cutting expenses and taking on do-it-yourself projects—growing a vegetable garden and re-roofing their house themselves so they could afford a vacation, and taking bike trips and going camping as affordable vacations, which they did willingly to have the lifestyle they wanted. They learned how to have a lot of fun without spending much money. “And besides, I like yard sales, and don’t want to be attached to stuff,” Margie added. “If it’s cheap we don’t worry about it breaking or getting lost.”
Their story sounds easy, but it required planning, budgeting, reigning in their impulses, and, most of all, working together. Margie and Bob did not feel deprived; they spoke of the wonderful freedom they experienced in terms of time, relaxation, and family closeness.
These stories illustrate three central arenas in which people get stuck—relationships, jobs/careers, and high-stress living. If you take each of them apart you will see that they are different in nature but have some underlying commonalities. Your primary stuck places tend to take center stage in your life. Until they are addressed they make it difficult to feel at ease or immersed in life. For Angie and Matt the stuck places were deeply rooted and spilled over into all aspects of their lives. With Margie and Bob, it was more of a problem-solving endeavor because they had already become free of many of the attachments that keep people stuck.
If you think about what you are longing for, the dreams and hopes you’ve had for your life, you might immediately be aware of areas in which you are stuck. What’s out of sync? What feels disappointing? What are the thoughts that constantly go through your head about what you “should” be doing for yourself? What action do you avoid taking? How much of your energy is drained away worrying about a relationship, a stressful job, or feeling unhappy? Really listen to yourself.
2. Let Your Body Be Your Guide
The body is the unconscious mind.
—CANDANCE PERT
Being stuck in the mind is often reflected in the body as a feeling of congestion or being tightly held.