If the Buddha Got Stuck_ A Handbook for Change on a Spiritual Path - Charlotte Sophia Kasl [87]
The Yogi comes along in his famous orange,
but if inside he is colorless, then what?
Mohammed pours over words and points out this and that,
but if his heart is not soaked dark with love, then what?
—KABIR, 44 ECSTATIC POEMS OF KABIR
As soon as you have made a thought, laugh at it.
—LAO-TZU
When I think of letting go I have this image of an interior structure built over time—like a Structo set or a Tinkertoy—made up of thoughts, beliefs, and concepts that give me an anchor in life. Then, I imagine pulling out a crucial piece and letting the whole contraption collapse. No longer any clear beliefs, concepts, or sureness about anything. It’s a groundless feeling. No anchor, no thought. You can see it in the ease with which children can knock over a sand castle they built because they aren’t attached to the structure. It’s all sand play—delving in the sand, building, creating, then knocking it all down. Adults tend to feel uneasy about this because we get attached to our creations.
Dismantling your concepts can feel like taking off your makeup, fancy clothes, titles, degrees, snazzy car, miseries, and wounds so you stand in the world without labels, without anything impressive, extraordinary, or valuable. As the Zen master who says, “I have nothing to lose because I have nothing,” we start to feel the freedom of nothing to protect, hold on to, or identify with.
When you first begin to let go of your belief structures, be prepared for some withdrawal symptoms. They are common and natural. The idea is to notice them as a passing experience and not be alarmed or surprised or think you have made a mistake on your journey home. Have them; observe them; take a deep breath.
Here are some withdrawal symptoms from letting go:
You feel disoriented, giddy, silly, uneasy. Without the familiar internal structures, you feel dazed, or not quite sure of who you are.
You feel alienated because you no longer hold to the stories and structures of belief that are the center of many conversations. You wonder whether to say something or sit quietly. It’s hard to know what to do until you drop into a deeper ease where guidance arises from within.
Your ego makes you doubt yourself: “Who are you to be so different from everyone else! How can you drop these popular beliefs? You’re just being difficult. Maybe you’re wrong.”
You suddenly feel sad, angry, anxious, or sleepy. Again, dismantling our belief systems is a scary proposition to the ego.
You have a sudden fear of being empty or falling into nothingness without your structures of belief. There’s a sense of not having control.
Your body feels rootless, unstable, or unfamiliar. That’s because the framework created by your beliefs permeates your whole body, which will soften and relax as you let go of core beliefs about life, spirituality, and who you think you are. Some people fear they can’t function without being rigid and tightly held. But you can. You feel a bit wobbly at first, but you actually find that flexibility and openness are easier.
You have an empty-headed feeling that leaves you wondering if you can accomplish anything, or write, or be creative. But when you focus on what you want to do, it can feel like flipping a switch and having ideas pour in. It can feel like tapping into the great cosmic library of understanding and knowledge.
53. Welcome Emptiness and the Energy of the Unknown
Life is its own journey, presupposes its own change and movement, and one tries to arrest them at one’s eternal peril.
—VACLAV HAVEL, VENTURE TO THE INTERIOR
We ease into an enormous spaciousness when we step beyond our conditioned self, cease the chatter in our minds, and relax into silence. Many people fear this open space and drown it out with chaos, frenetic activity, and constant noise. But it’s always accessible, and it can be a wonderous place.
Emptiness is not vacuous