In Cold Blood - Truman Capote [69]
I do believe we all were very adaptable (Jimmy, Fern, you and myself) & we had all been blessed with a basic flair for the artistic - among other things. Even Mother & Dad were artistic. I truthfully feel none of us have anyone to blame for whatever we have done with our own personal lives. It has been proven that at the age of 7 most of us have reached the age of reason - which means we do, at this age, understand & know the difference between right & wrong. Of course - environment plays an awfully important part in our lives such as the Convent in mine & in my case I am grateful for that influence. In Jimmy 's case - he was the strongest of us all. I remember how he worked & went to school when there was no one to tell him & it was his own WILL to make something of himself. We will never know the reasons for what eventually happened, why he did what he did, but I still hurt thinking of it. It was such a waste. But we have very little control over our human weaknesses, & this applies also to Fern & the hundreds of thousands of other people including ourselves - for we all have weaknesses. In your case - I don't know what your weakness is but I do feel - IT IS NO SHAME TO HAVE A DIRTY FACE - THE SHAME COMES WHEN YOU KEEP IT DIRTY. In all truthfulness & with love for you Perry, for you are my only living brother and the uncle of my children, I cannot say or feel your attitude towards our father or your imprisonment just or healthy. If you are getting your back up - better simmer down as I realize there are none of us who take criticism cheerfully & it is natural to feel a certain amount of resentment towards the one giving this criticism so I am prepared for one or two things - a) Not to hear from you at all, or b) a letter telling me exactly what you think of me. I hope I 'm wrong & I sincerely hope you will give this letter a lot of thought & try to see - how someone else feels. Please understand I know I am not an authority & I do not boast great intelligence or education but I do believe I am a normal individual with basic reasoning powers & the will to live my life according to the laws of God & Man. It is also true that I have "fallen" at times, as is normal - for as I said I am human & therefore I too have human weaknesses but the point is, again, There is no shame - having a dirty face - the shame comes when you keep it dirty. No one is more aware of my shortcomings and mistakes than myself so I won't bore you further. Now, first, & most important - Dad is not responsible for your wrong doings or your good deeds. What you have done, whether right or wrong, is your own doing. From what I personally know, you have lived your life exactly as you pleased without regard to circumstances or persons who loved you - who might be hurt. Whether you realize it or not - your present confinement is embarrassing to me well as Dad - not because of what you did but the fact that you don 't show me any signs of SINCERE regret and seem to show no respect for any laws, people or anything. Your letter implies that the blame of all your problems is that of someone else, but never you. I do admit that you are intelligent and your vocabulary is excellent & I do feel you can do anything you decide to do & do it well but what exactly do you want to do & are you willing to work & make an honest effort to attain whatever it is you choose to do? Nothing good comes easy and I'm sure you've heard this many times but once more won't hurt. In case you want the truth about Dad - his heart is broken because of you. He would give anything to get you out so he can have his son back - but I am afraid you would only hurt him worse if you could. He is not well and is getting older &, as the saying goes, he cannot "Cut the Mustard" as in the old days. He has been wrong at times & he realizes this but whatever he had and wherever he went he shared his life & belongings with you when he wouldn't do this for anyone else. Now I don't say you owe him undying gratitude or your life but you do owe him RESPECT and COMMON DECENCY. I, personally, am proud of Dad.