In God we trust_ all others pay cash - Jean Shepherd [0]
In God We Trust. Copyright © 1966 by Jean Shepherd. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the publisher. For information, address: Broadway Books, a division of Random House, Inc., 1540 Broadway, New York, NY 10036.
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First Broadway Books trade paperback edition published 2000
Chapters 2, 8, 14, 16, 24, 26, 30 originally appeared in Playboy,
Copyright © 1964, 1965, 1966 by HMH Publishing Co., Inc.
eISBN: 978-0-307-76866-7
v3.1
The characters, places, and events described herein are entirely fictional, and any resemblance to individuals living or dead is purely coincidental, accidental, or the result of faulty imagination.
Jean Shepherd
To my Mother, and my Kid Brother
And the Rest of the Bunch …
CONTENTS
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Chapter I - WE MEET FLICK, THE FRIENDLY BARTENDER
Chapter II - DUEL IN THE SNOW, OR RED RYDER NAILS THE CLEVELAND STREET KID
Chapter III - FLICK FAILS TO RECALL AN OLD SONG
Chapter IV - THE COUNTERFEIT SECRET CIRCLE MEMBER GETS THE MESSAGE, OR THE ASP STRIKES AGAIN
Chapter V - I POKE AT AN OLD WOUND
Chapter VI - THE ENDLESS STREETCAR RIDE INTO THE NIGHT, AND THE TINFOIL NOOSE
Chapter VII - FLICK OFFERS ME HARD LIQUOR
Chapter VIII - HAIRY GERTZ AND THE FORTY-SEVEN CRAPPIES
Chapter IX - I INTRODUCE FLICK TO THE ART WORLD
Chapter X - MY OLD MAN AND THE LASCIVIOUS SPECIAL AWARD THAT HERALDED THE BIRTH OF POP ART
Chapter XI - FLICK MAKES AN ARTISTIC JUDGMENT
Chapter XII - THE MAGIC MOUNTAIN
Chapter XIII - FLICK DREDGES UP A NOTORIOUS SON OF A BITCH
Chapter XIV - GROVER DILL AND THE TASMANIAN DEVIL
Chapter XV - FLICK DISPLAYS A PETTY JEALOUS STREAK
Chapter XVI - LUDLOW KISSEL AND THE DAGO BOMB THAT STRUCK BACK
Chapter XVII - I SHOW OFF
Chapter XVIII - UNCLE BEN AND THE SIDE-SPLITTING KNEE-SLAPPER, or SOME WORDS ARE LOADED
Chapter XIX - WE HAVE TWO SMALL VISITORS
Chapter XX - OLD MAN PULASKI AND THE INFAMOUS JAW-BREAKER BLACKMAIL CAPER
Chapter XXI - ENTER FRIENDLY FRED
Chapter XXII - THE PERFECT CRIME
Chapter XXIII - FLICK BAITS THE HOOK
Chapter XXIV - WILBUR DUCKWORTH AND HIS MAGIC BATON
Chapter XXV - I RELATE THE STRANGE TALE OF THE HUMAN HYPODERMIC NEEDLE
Chapter XXVI - MISS BRYFOGEL AND THE FRIGHTENING CASE OF THE SPECKLE-THROATED CUCKOLD
Chapter XXVII - POLKA TIME
Chapter XXVIII - “NEVERMORE,” QUOTH THE ASSESSOR, “NEVERMORE …”
Chapter XXIX - THE POSSE RIDES AGAIN
Chapter XXX - LEOPOLD DOPPLER AND THE GREAT ORPHEUM GRAVY BOAT RIOT
Chapter XXXI - THE DAY SHIFT DROPS BY FOR A BELT
THERE ARE AT LEAST TWO KINDS OF EDUCATION.
… George Ade
I WE MEET FLICK, THE FRIENDLY BARTENDER
I felt like a spy. It was the first time I had ever ridden a cab in my own hometown. When I had left it I was definitely not a cab rider. Now taking cabs was as natural as breathing or putting on shoes. I could see the cab driver giving me the eye in his rear-view mirror. He was wearing the standard Midwestern work uniform of lumberjacket, corduroy cap, and a red face.
“You from out of town?”
He caught me off guard. I had forgotten that out of New York people quite often spoke to other people.
“Uh.…what?”
“You from out of town?”
“Ah … yeah, I guess so.” Making one of my famous instantaneous decisions, I opted for being from out of town.
“Yeah, well, I could tell. Where ya from?”
“New York. Now, that is.”
He mopped his windshield with a greasy rag. The cab’s heater was making the windows cloud up. Outside I could dimly see the grimy streets lined with dirty, hard ice and crusted drifts covered with that old familiar