Incubus Dreams - Laurell K. Hamilton [275]
“I, too, have my memory of Gabriel,” Jean-Claude said, his voice was soft.
We both looked at him. Richard said, “You, and Gabriel?” The look on his face showed his disgust.
“Not by choice. It was her price for convincing Marcus that he should continue to ally with me.”
“A night with both of them?” I asked.
Jean-Claude nodded.
“Did you know?” Richard asked, “before, did you know what they wanted you for?”
He nodded again. “I negotiated that night as completely as any night I have ever bargained for.”
Richard was still on his knees on the floor. He looked back at Jean-Claude. “And you knew, you knew that she wanted to watch Gabriel . . . have you?”
“She wanted many things, but that was one she was most adamant about.”
“How could you let him do that to you?” A strange look came over Richard’s face. “Oh, but you don’t mind. You like men.”
Jean-Claude’s face went blank, him hiding away. “Actually, yes, I did mind. I minded very much, but it was one of the points that Raina would not give up. She wanted certain things, and that was one of them.” He raised his robe around his shoulders as if he was cold, and would not look at either of us. “I talked her out of a great many things that would have hurt a great deal more.”
“You didn’t enjoy it,” Richard said.
Jean-Claude gave him a look, such a look. It sent the vampire’s power like cool water through the room. “Rape is rape, Richard. Is a woman less raped because she likes men? That’s a question, Richard.”
“No, of course not,” he said.
“Then why is it less rape for a man who likes men to be raped by another man?”
Richard looked away at that.
I was left sitting on the floor not knowing what to say, or who to comfort, or even how to start comforting. “I didn’t know any of this.”
“My bargain with Raina was based on it not being known. It would have undermined my authority, which would have defeated the purpose of the bargain.”
I got up off the ground and went to Jean-Claude. I reached out to him, half-afraid he’d move away. No one’s good with this kind of pain, but men seem especially bad at it. I think it’s because they have a hard time thinking of themselves as potential victims. Women are raised with the possibility. Most of us understand from an early age that we are not the biggest or strongest. It’s why when women fight, they fight dirty; something’s got to make up for the lack of upper body strength.
I touched his face, and he gave me that blank beautiful look. As if he were a painting that held color and line, and beauty, but not life, as if telling the secret sucked something precious away from him. “I’m sorry,” I said, softly.
He smiled, and some tension left him, and something of him began to seep back into his eyes. “I thought you might be upset, find me sullied goods.”
I raised eyebrows at that. “You never blame the victim, Jean-Claude. Don’t you know that by now?”
He smiled a little wider and laid his face against my hand. “I have never thanked you for killing them both.”
“They were trying to kill me at the time, and film it for a snuff flick. Trust me, it was my pleasure to whack them both.”
Richard got to his feet and came to stand near us, just out of comfortable reach. “That night was why I broke up with Raina.” He laughed, and it sounded bitter, as if he would choke on it. “Broke up, God, that sounds so high school. Gabriel and I nearly beat each other to death, while she watched.” He was shaking his head, and even with his hair barely grown out, it was already longer than it had been in the memory. I wondered if that was one of the reasons that he grew it long, so it would help him feel different.
“I can find other food,” Jean-Claude said. “You do not have to do anything you are not comfortable with.”
Richard looked at us, my hand still on Jean-Claude’s face. “What I said earlier is still true. We need the three of us to be as close as the two of you are.”
“I do not believe you are ready