Incubus Dreams - Laurell K. Hamilton [28]
“She said no to that, too?” I asked.
“She doesn’t want to give up her independence. Her independence is one of the things I love most about her.”
“I know that,” I said, and my voice was soft, because it was all I had to offer.
He looked at me. “You know that, then can you tell her?”
“I’ll do everything I can to reassure her that you’re not trying to clip her wings.”
“Is that it? Is she just afraid I’ll take away her freedom?”
“I don’t know, Louie. Truthfully, if you’d asked me beforehand, I’d have said, she’d say, yes.”
“Really,” he said, and he was studying my face now. Studying it as if the secrets to the universe were somehow hidden in my eyes. I preferred him staring out into the dark for his answers instead of in my face. I wasn’t sure what the darkness had to offer him, but I knew I didn’t have any answers.
“Yeah, Louie, really. Last I knew she was the happiest I’ve ever seen her.”
“So I wasn’t just fooling myself?” he asked, and he was still giving me those raw, demanding eyes.
“No, Louie, you weren’t fooling yourself.”
“Then why?” he asked. “Why?”
I shrugged, and had to say something, because he was still staring at me. “I don’t know. I’m sorry.” It sounded so inadequate, sorry. But it was all I had to offer tonight.
He nodded, a little too rapidly, as he turned away, and stared out into the dark again. I knew he wasn’t really seeing the yard that bordered the church. I knew he was just staring to be staring, and not to have to meet anyone’s eyes for a while, but it was sort of unnerving. Unnerving to think that whatever he was feeling was so strong that he had to hide his eyes, so I wouldn’t see. It reminded me of the way Dolph had turned away at the murder scene. And, in a way, they were both hiding the same thing—pain.
He turned away from the dark and gave me his eyes again. They were raw, and I had to fight to not turn away myself. My rule was always if someone could feel the emotion, the least I could do was not turn away.
“It looks like your sweetheart is coming this way.”
I glanced back to find Micah walking slowly toward us. Normally, he wouldn’t have interrupted, but we were on a deadline tonight. Time and the ardeur wait for no man. I would have explained that Micah wasn’t being rude, that we had to go, but I wasn’t sure Louie knew about the ardeur, and I hated to explain it to people who didn’t know. It always sounded so . . . odd.
“How long have you and Micah been living together?” he asked.
“About four months.”
“Ronnie and you haven’t been hanging out much since he moved in with you, have you?”
I thought about it, then said, “I guess not. She didn’t like that I’m still dating Jean-Claude.”
Louie watched Micah walking toward us. His face looked thoughtful. “Maybe that wasn’t it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Maybe it was having someone live with you. Maybe that’s what she couldn’t handle.”
“She said it was me dating a vamp.”
“Ronnie said a lot of things,” he said, voice softer, less angry, more puzzled. He shook himself like a dog coming out of water, and managed to give me a smile. It left his eyes sad, but it was a start. “Maybe she just couldn’t stand to see you committing yourself to somebody, not that much.”
I shrugged, because I didn’t think that was it, but I couldn’t blame him for thinking it. “I don’t know.”
He gave me that smile again, his eyes like dark hopeless pools. “You go home, Anita, and enjoy it.” I caught a glitter of tears before he turned away and looked out into the dark again.
I didn’t know what to do. Was I supposed to hug him? If it had been a girlfriend, I probably would have. But it wasn’t, he wasn’t, and I didn’t need any more complications tonight. I did the guy thing, and patted him awkwardly on the back. Whether I would have worked up to a full-blown hug, I don’t know, because Micah was beside us.
“Sorry to interrupt, but it’s been nearly an hour since we hit the parking lot.” It was his subtle way of reminding me that sometimes an hour was all we got from the time I squashed the ardeur down to the time it resurfaced.
I took the hint. With Micah beside