Inside Out - Lauren Dane [113]
“Ella ripped him a new asshole.” Despite his anger at his father, this made him smile. “Her hands shook a moment, but she never backed down.”
Ben grinned. “Really? Not that I doubt it, she’s been a good friend to us.”
“Rest easy, he thinks she’s damaged goods anyway.” That hurt, but damn it, he wasn’t going to let it bug him any more than he had to. “So fill me in. I know Erin has stabilized, and the baby is good. By the way, a son? Congratulations.”
Ben’s face cleared of worry and anger, replaced by total joy for a brief moment. “Thanks. I feel better that she’s here so close to all the doctors. I just never imagined she’d have any problems. She’s Erin; nothing slows her down.”
Cope could hear the fear there in his brother’s words. “She’s going to be good, and you’re going to be a dad. I know this is scary now, but she’s Erin, and as you said, nothing slows her down.”
“I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to her. I don’t know that I’d be able to get through it.”
He watched his brother, sort of stunned to see this break in his very self-assured façade. Cope had simply always assumed Ben could handle anything, always felt his big brother was unshakable.
“You have Todd. You have me and mom and all our friends. And you have Erin. Nothing is going to happen to her. I researched preeclampsia and eclampsia. This is a good hospital; she’s got great doctors watching over her. She’s here close to operating rooms, and damn, dude, she’s staying in a room that can be converted to a delivery room in minutes.”
“I never imagined loving like this.” Ben scrubbed hands over his face. “I never imagined the other side of the intensity and depth of my connection to Erin would be the bottomless pit of fear at the very idea of losing her. Andy, I’m so fucking scared every moment I’m awake.”
He hugged his brother, trying to be strong, knowing that’s what Ben needed. But it woke up those fears deep in his belly.
“She’s everything I ever wanted, totally essential to me, and the thought of losing it leaves me in a cold sweat. And all I can think is how much Todd and I wanted a baby with her and if something happens it’ll be our fault.”
“She wants that too. She’s been over the moon about this pregnancy and the baby. It’s not your fault for wanting a family with her. And I imagine when Alexander comes home, that’s going to scare you a few thousand times a day too. Just me here now, let it all out. Pinky swear I won’t tell anyone.” Cope sat back with a snort.
His brother needed to fall apart a little; he could see that clearly now. So he just sat with him, close, and let him. Ben didn’t have to be strong in front of Cope, didn’t need to hide his fear or his panic. Cope wouldn’t judge him, and he understood it.
Adrian came out some minutes later, after Ben had begun to pull himself back together.
“Hey, you two, didn’t expect to see you out here. Erin and I went for a walk around the perimeter a few dozen times, and she’s back tucked into bed. Todd is with her, and I think they’re talking dinner. She looks better. Alexander moved around a lot, which cheers Erin a lot I know. Anyway, I’m off to Brody and Elise’s for movies and pizza. I figured I’d see you there.” He looked to Cope.
“Ah, that’s where they all went. I haven’t checked my voice mail in a while. I think Ella and I had loose plans, so I’ll check in with her.”
“She’s going over there too, I think. You okay, Ben?”
Ben took a deep breath and stood. “Yeah, I am now.” He turned when Cope stood too. “Thanks. Now it’s your turn to go to her, the woman who is your everything.”
Cope smiled. “Yeah. Well. Give Erin a kiss for me, okay? I’ll see you tomorrow morning. Let me know if you want me to bring breakfast in or something. I’ll have my cell with me.”
He stood in his front room, looking out the windows at the rain. This room smelled like Ella. She loved the overstuffed chair he’d put