Inside Out - Lauren Dane [118]
As she ate breakfast and sipped her coffee, she called and checked in. Erin had explained that they were going to keep her there a few more days, but that she still wasn’t able to have visitors other than Ben, Todd and her brothers.
Ella insisted she’d stop by later to bring some books and magazines for her, and also said she’d check in on the café. Erin had tried to argue but in the end had thanked her, and they’d talked a bit more about the baby. Ella hadn’t said anything about Ben and Cope’s father; it wasn’t necessary and it would only make Erin upset.
There was a buzz from the front door intercom, so she ended her call and found it was Andrew, who she let through. Most people would have left their front door ajar, but Ella wasn’t most people. So she waited for him, opening the door when he got there.
Immediately he embraced her, and her worries fell away.
“Morning, Red. Mmmm, you smell good.”
He kissed her, and she gave over to it, letting the way he tasted run riot through her.
“How are you this morning? I’ve got coffee. Want some?” She turned, leaving her hand in his, leading him to the kitchen.
“Busy. Spoke with Ben to check in on Erin. I suppose you’ve done that too?”
He sat, and she looked at him, liking how the light from the pale morning outside backlit his body.
“I did. She’s in good spirits. Though she did tell me that after she gave birth she’s sending someone out right away to get her a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich.” She turned, smiling at the idea as she poured a cup of coffee for him.
“I’m sorry.”
She sat next to him, tucking a leg beneath her, and sipped her own coffee. “For what?”
“If I told you I cheated on you last night, would you break up with me?”
She stood, spilling coffee on herself, cursing as she moved to clean it up. “What? Why? Why would you do that?” Her heart raced, and she felt like throwing up.
“I didn’t. God, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you believe that. I was trying to make some other point, and now I see how stupid it was. I didn’t cheat on you, Ella.”
She wanted to throw the rest of the coffee in his face just then. Instead, she punched his arm and kicked her couch, which really hurt and made her even madder at him. “Why would you do that? Why would you say such a thing to me? If you want to break up, be a man and do it without mind-fucking me.”
“I’m scared. All right?” He put his hands out, open palms facing her, and her heart softened. But she still didn’t let him any closer.
“That you’ll cheat on me?” Had she always wondered if she was enough? Maybe. She’d seen the way other women looked at him. Had watched him flirt hundreds of times. It came to him naturally. No, no that was stupid. He was different; he did love her, and doubts were stupid.
“I’m such a tool.” He drew her to the couch and sat with her, and she put a pillow in between them. “I’m fucking this up and hurting your feelings.”
“Yes! You are. Dear God, if you’re going to break up with me, just do it! If you’re scared of breaking up, I’m sorry, but you’re ripping me to shreds here, Andrew.”
“I love you. I don’t want to cheat on you. I’m not worried I ever would. I know the difference between what I had before, what I did, who I was with those other women. And who I am now and what we are.”
Where the hell was he going with all this?
“So why the fuck are you talking about cheating?”
“It was my stupid way of trying to make a point, and it sounded way better in my head than it does out loud. It was a stupid thing, and it has nothing to do with this.” He sounded so miserable, she allowed him to take her hand. “I am worried I’m going to fuck up. I’m worried I’ll be an asshole and drive you away and I won’t have you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Suddenly, everything inside her stilled, and she understood why he’d been so pissy, understood his comments about being