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• Classic-Fiction

The answer is, “Generically, genie!”

You must be ready to recite a memorized script like this:

Worksheet

I can assist you in many ways. My college training was in ____________ and I graduated in ____________. That taught me the discipline of studying and focusing on a specific goal. After I graduated, I worked as a/an_____________ at___________ where I excelled in working with others and increasing the bottom line year after year. When the company relocated to____________ , I was designated as a “key employee” and asked to go there. I was then recruited away, however, by___________ to become a/an______________ and it was an opportunity I just couldn’t pass up. So I can help you here at_______________ by___________ .

(That last sentence is the only place where you ad lib with a little focus on what you think the offeror thinks she needs—thereby granting her one wish.)

Congratulations! You were just instantly interviewed! You just knocked that one cold.

Now ask for a business card. If she has none, take your pen out of your left front pocket (this is why a disposable pen with an advertisement is a nonstarter). Find a small piece of paper the size of a business card, or just tear one to that size. (The back of any business card except yours is perfect.)

Ask the offeror to write down her full name (including middle initial), exact title, office address, phone and fax numbers, and e-mail address. Get the business web site address too, so you can see what you just talked yourself in to. Don’t be too pushy, but show that you want details. If she writes it down, you’re practically sharing an office already. If you write it down, that’s fine, too. So, ask her to do it and be gracious about assisting. Put the business card or paper in your left back pocket. And don’t forget to put the pen back in your left front pocket.

If the offeror gives you an application form, leave it there until you complete your rounds for the day. Just say you’ll pick it up later. If she asks for a resume, great. You can customize yours to fit exactly what she thinks she needs. You can then mail it back. No, you don’t hand-carry it back, even though doing so might be cheaper. It doesn’t get any better than what you did at this stage—it only gets worse. So stay away until you’re invited back.

Don’t volunteer to use e-mail for the return of forms, and try to avoid filling them out online. They’re likely to be deleted inadvertently (or vertently ) by some worried rival employee. If the offeror requires e-mail, just say, “If you don’t mind, I’d like to submit a hard copy, too.” They don’t object, and your paperwork will be read readily.

Now get out of there! But I don’t mean turn around and head for the door.

Here’s how it’s done . . .

The Magic Four Goodbye

Four quick steps here too:

1. direct eye contact

2. a smile

3. firm but gentle handshake

4. The words, “This looks like a great match! Thanks very much for taking the time.”

This entire process should take no more than 15 minutes. You’re a magic genie, not a begging jobseeker. Genies don’t talk much. They disappear much! That’s why you wear a watch (in addition to it making you look more professional). And please remember this:

If you stay, say, and play, they won’t pay.

When you’re out of there, take the business card (or piece of paper) out of your left back pocket and your pen out of your left front pocket. Write the date (XX/XX/XX) in the upper-left corner and a grade on the upper-right corner (A, B, C, or D). This only takes a moment. Don’t overanalyze it—just flash on how you rate the probability of getting an offer and how you would like working there. Then put the pen and card back in to the pockets where they belong.

So you should be able to knock out two of these capers every hour. Start at 8 A.M., and you will have pumped out eight face-to-faces by noon—with eight business cards left for after lunch.

But who eats when this is so much fun?

People don