Iran - Andrew Burke [24]
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The area of land that is Iran has been continuously inhabited by a single nation for longer than any other land.
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Let’s dispel these images. Despite the Islamic government and the Sharia laws that rule the country, Iranians are not frightening people. They are generally warm and welcoming to a degree that can be, and often is, embarrassing to Westerners. Any rhetoric that comes from the regime regarding countries such as the USA rarely extends to individuals from those countries.
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TA’AROF
At the end of your first taxi trip in Iran, there’s a good chance you’ll ask the driver ‘chand toman’ (how many tomans?) and he’ll reply ‘ghabeli nadari’. His words mean ‘it’s nothing’, but the taxi driver still expects to get paid. This is ta’arof, a system of formalised politeness that can seem very confusing to outsiders, but is a mode of social interaction in which everyone knows their place and their role.
Despite the apparent contradictions in the taxi, you’ll soon learn that ta’arof is more about people being sensitive to the position of others than mere routine politeness. Ta’arof gives everyone the chance to be on equal terms: this ritual display of vulnerability is never abused. So for example, an offer of food will be turned down several times first, giving the person making the offer the chance to save face if in reality they cannot provide a meal. A good rule is to always refuse any offer three times but, if they continue to insist, do accept. When a shopkeeper, restaurateur or (less often) a hotel manager refuses payment when asked for a bill, do remember that this is just ta’arof – don’t leave without paying! If you accept an offer that is in fact ta’arof, the shocked look on the vendor’s face should soon reveal your error.
Ta’arof also involves showing consideration of others in your physical actions, so try not to sit with your back to people, especially your elders, and be prepared for a delay at every doorway as Iranians insist that whoever they’re with goes through the door first with repeated ‘befarmayid’ (please). Be prepared for lots of small talk at the beginning of any exchange, as the health of every member of your family is enquired after. Try to return this courtesy as it will be well appreciated. Also be prepared for questions considered quite personal in the West, such as your salary, marital status, why you don’t have children and so on. This is quite normal. Steer away from politics or religion unless your Iranian host broaches the subject first.
And don’t forget to pay the taxi driver…think of it this way: it would be bad form for the taxi driver to not offer you the trip for free, and worse form for you to accept his offer.
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Iranians take their role as hosts very seriously; there are well-developed rules governing social conduct and interaction. This comes from a genuine desire to put others’ needs first and please where possible. Ta’arof, the Iranian system of courtesy, can be a minefield if unknown (see below), but it makes Iran a haven for travellers – you will be treated with unfailing politeness wherever you go.
A glance at Iran’s history will give another insight into the Iranian character. Despite several devastating invasions, Iranians have always managed to keep their own unique culture alive and somehow subvert the invading culture and assimilate it with their own. Thus the Iranian way is to bend to the prevailing wind only to spring back in time with regained poise. Ever-changing fortunes have taught Iranians to be indirect people, unwilling to ever answer with a bald negative and unable to countenance rudeness or public displays of anger.
Iran’s attitudes to the West are contradictory.