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thereof with other species of Vitis may be entered into the classification, and that “areas planted with vine varieties for the purpose of wine production not entered into the classification shall be grubbed up.” This is seen as ensuring both the quality and the “typicity” of grapes that will be made into wine in any locality. But it also sets out clearly who would be allowed to receive any of the subsidies Brussels may be proffering: only those who restrict themselves to the permitted varieties. This also forbids the use of any native American varieties of grapes—and, given their quality, this is just as well. Also rejected is wine made from any other fruits. So elderberry wine (alas for the English) and dandelion wine (alas for fans of Ray Bradbury) are merely “alcoholic beverages.”

So: applause for the European regulator in trying to maintain the quality of European wine, but no gold star to Brussels for the drafting of legal documents.

So who first invented wine?

AS WITH ALL successful products, there is a clamor of voices claiming its invention. Yet it is probably more to the point to ask, who first discovered wine? It is not difficult to make it. On the outside skin of the grape is the yeast and on the inside is the juice: mix them together, leave it to ferment for a few days, and the result is wine. All you really need are grapes.

One claimant is Noah. After he and his family had descended from the ark onto dry land, the Lord told them to replenish the earth. According to Genesis chapter 9, verses 20–21:

And Noah began to be an husbandman, and he planted a vineyard: And he drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent.

What is interesting here is the statement that he planted a vineyard, because the earliest wine would have been made from wild grapes; indeed, why plant a vineyard if you do not know what you can do with the produce? Perhaps, instead, he was the first viticulturalist? A subsidiary question is, why did he get drunk? Had he not anticipated the effect of the wine? Or perhaps the effect was just what he wanted after a hard day’s work. Medieval glosses on these verses, and particularly on verse 21, reflect a wide range of opinions on the subject.

For the ancient Greeks, the discovery of wine by men was the gift of Dionysos, the god of wine, the avatar who burst out of Thrace—or perhaps Phrygia—and brought the knowledge of wine to Attica. He disclosed the secret to a peasant called Icarios and his daughter Erigone, with whom he had lodged as a guest: the gift was his return for their hospitality. However, he commanded Icarios that, once he had successfully made wine, he was to teach the skill to others; the outcome was disastrous. Icarios shared his wine with a group of shepherds, who drank a very great deal and, unaccustomed to the effect it had on them, feared that Icarios had poisoned them. They grabbed their clubs and beat him to death. When his daughter returned, she looked for him in vain, and it was only when his faithful dog Moera led her to where her father had been buried that she realized what had happened. In despair, she hanged herself. But Dionysos rewarded them: Icarios became the star Boötes, his daughter was transformed into the constellation Virgo, and Moera became Canis or Sirius, the Dog Star. (Boötes has another title, “the grape gatherer,” because it rises in the autumn at the time of the vintage.) In truth, the vine was widely cultivated by the early Bronze Age—both Homer and Hesiod make it clear that wine was an essential part of life—and clay tablets dating from the late Bronze Age (about 1200 BC) connect Dionysos with wine, providing early evidence for his cult.

Another candidate for the discoverer of wine is a lady of the harem of the Persian king Jamshíd. The king greatly enjoyed eating grapes and caused them to be stored in jars so that he could enjoy them year round. One day it was discovered that the grapes were no longer sweet—in fact, they had fermented, a process unknown to the king and his house hold. He feared that the liquid was