It's My Life - Melody Carlson [46]
Okay, I know It's not my personal fault that Jenny doesn't eat food. I mean, after all, I did read those articles I sent to her mom, and I know it's pretty complicated problem that a person mostly brings upon herself. Like if a girl feels she doesn't have all that much control over what happens in her life, she might decide to focus her energy inward (onto her body) by choosing to deprive herself of food. Because for some reason, following a strict diet gives that girl this weird sense of control and then when she consequently loses weight she feels all empowered by it.
But, to be honest, this doesn't really make a whole lot of sense to me. I mean, how could depriving yourself of food make you feel powerful? It would only make me feel hungry and grumpy and totally frustrated.
I'll admit I sort of get the part about girls wanting to be “ultrathin” because of all the models and media and stuff. And it does seem like almost every girl I know worries about her weight now and then (some to the point of obnoxious obsession!), and I've even had friends give me a bad time because I can pretty much eat whatever I want without freaking about my weight too much. (But then my mom's like that too and according to her we have “slim genes,” which is fortunate because, personally, it's just one less thing to worry about.) But I do understand how this focus on thinness and weight is a national compulsion with teenage girls. And according to one article I read, girls who have anorexia get this kind of euphoric high when they get on the scales and see they've lost another pound. They say it's almost like taking a happy pill or something. And it makes them feel like they're in control of their lives and like they're succeeding at something. Which seems totally weird if you ask me. I mean, these girls (by the way, some guys get it too) are succeeding at starving their bodies until they have no energy, and they can no longer eat any kind of food. Then their hair falls out, and their periods stop, their teeth go bad, their bones get weak, and the list gets worse. I mean, who (in her right mind) would willingly invite all these kinds of ailments into her life? Apparently Jenny. I just don't get it. Big sigh,…
According to one psychiatrist online, a lot of these girls have some things in common. One thing is that they tend to put too much pressure on themselves, I think like an overachiever. (I learned that term in psychology–those are people who work incredibly hard to succeed; they are also called Type A personalities, which Jenny probably is.) And girls with anorexia also tend to be really good students (like Jenny) and often well liked and popular (like Jenny) and perfectionists (like Jenny!). I mean, you should see her room–it's immaculate! Not only is it decorated perfectly, but every single thing is always in its place. In fact, her room is so neat I sometimes wonder how she can even stand it. Sometimes I want to go in there and just mess things up a little so I can relax and feel comfortable. But of course I don't. Although, I'll confess to having moved her hairbrush from its regular spot on her dresser once. But within mere minutes, she had put it right back in place without saying a word. At the time, I wondered: What's up with that? Now, I think I know.
But the thing is, I like Jenny so much that I've tried to overlook these little idiosyncrasies (another psychology class word that means “our unique differences”). And I suppose I thought I might try to learn a thing or two from her about neatness and organization. Although I certainly do NOT want to become obsessed