It's My Life - Melody Carlson [61]
Then we just said good-bye and parted ways, and that's when I started to actually question my commitment to God about not dating, thinking how an innocent evening like this couldn't really hurt anything. And, let me tell you, that really bugs me a lot! I'm thinking, there I go and make this big promise to God just a few months ago, and then some good-looking guy comes along, and BAM, I start second-guessing myself and my commitment.
Sheesh, how shallow is that?
So when I got home, I came up here and turned back in my diary and carefully read what I actually wrote about dating and boys and sex and everything. A good reminder! And what I believe God showed me then is still completely right for now. And so I think I'm back on track. But it really troubles me to see how easily I might get derailed. I know I'm human, but I thought I was stronger than this. And, sheesh, Trent isn't even a Christian! Although I do believe he's searching. For sure, I plan on praying for him and continuing to share my faith. And I'm thinking if Jenny Lambert can get saved, well then so can Trent Ziegler! In fact, I may just ask Jenny tomorrow if I can tell him about her.
DEAR GOD, PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR QUESTIONING A VOW I MADE TO YOU. I KNOW YOU HAVE SHOWN ME THAT DATING, FOR ME, IS A PROBLEM. I ADMIT I AM WEAK IN THIS AREA. BUT THE BIBLE SAYS THAT YOU CAN BE STRONG IN MY WEAKNESS, AND SO I GIVE MY WEAKNESS TO YOU. I AKS THAT YOU WILL USE ME TO SHOW TRENT WHAT YOU'RE REALLY ABOUT, IN THE SAME WAY THAT I BELIEVE YOU USED ME TO REACH OUT TO JENNY. I THANK YOU FOR WHAT I LEARNED TONIGHT. I THANK YOU THAT YOU ARE WORTH FAR MORE TO ME THAN A DOZEN TRENTS OR JOSHS OR EVEN CLAYS (AND YOU KNOW HOW SPECIAL CLAY IS!). SO PLEASE DON'T EVER GIVE UP ON ME, GOD. I MAY BE STUPID SOMETIMES, BUT I'M REALLY TRYING. AMEN!
NINETEEN
Sunday, October 21 (busy day)
Pastor Tony invited Steph up to the pulpit today, then he made his “little” announcement and the whole church just clapped and cheered. And I will never forget the look on Aunt Steph's face. I'm sure I've never seen her look so completely and blissfully happy. And when I think of all she's been through in the past several years, I am so amazed at how much God has done in her life. It's miraculous really. I'm just so totally glad for her, and I must admit, a little proud too (nieces can be proud of aunts!).
Mom was so jazzed that she threw a small impromptu engagement party for them, just family and close friends, but it was fun. And as I was helping her get things set up beforehand, I mentioned how upset Beanie was to think she'd be going back to live with Lynn. And Mom said that was too bad, but at least Beanie would graduate next spring and then be able to move on. Well, I wanted to bring up the subject of Beanie living here, but the timing seemed a little off, and remembering what happened at the Chinese restaurant (another case of bad timing, I think), I decided to just cool my jets and wait a while.
Besides, Beanie had seemed to be in pretty good spirits today when we went to visit Jenny. Thankfully, this time Jenny's parents weren't there. In fact, they never even came at all today. Jenny said they're like that. “They just come when they want to and never tell me exactly when to expect them or not to. Sometimes I feel like I'm just a great, big inconvenience to them, not to mention an embarrassment of late.”
Well, I for one was relieved not to have them around. And with Beanie making a little drum roll on the table, I opened the pink bakery box containing a whole chocolate cheesecake and Jenny actually licked her lips.
“Okay, I've been a really good girl,” she said cheerfully. “And I'm eating their food, which is no small feat considering how it tastes like mushy cardboard and is generally pretty darn disgusting. So believe me when I say this looks fabulous, dawling.”
Beanie located a helpful nurse's aid who quickly rounded up some paper plates and forks (and was rewarded with a piece of cheesecake). Then I looked over to where that strange girl was sitting once again