It's My Life - Melody Carlson [66]
“Do you mind?”
“No.” Not really a lie. I mean, I didn't mind helping Beanie although I did mind having to talk to Lynn.
Beanie knocked on the door and we waited for a pretty long time. Then finally Lynn opened the dor and we both just stood there and stared. Lynn, still in her bathrobe, had a swollen and cut lip, a badly bruised check, and a black eye.
“What happened to you?” asked Beanie in a flat voice.
“What do you want?” snarled Lynn.
“I came to get my stuff,” said Beanie, folding her arms across her front.
“What stuff?”
“My things,” said Beanie, growing impatient. “Things I left in my room.”
Lynn stood there, her eyes narrowed, just staring at the two of us. Then she stepped aside, letting the door swing open and said, “Well, come on in, girls. As you can see, I cleaned especially for you.”
Well, the place looked just as bad (maybe worse) as the last time we'd been there (when we'd cleaned and made our quick getaway over the back fence), only now the air was especially stale from having been closed up due to the cooler weather and the whole place reeked of cigarette smoke. I silently followed Beanie to her room where she told me what to take. I could tell this was stressing her out and tried to be as helpful and supportive as possible. It took quite a few trips since she didn't have any boxes to put things in.
On my last trip through the house, I noticed Lynn sitting on the sofa with her head hanging down and looking about as dejected as I've ever seen anyone look. And suddenly, I'm not sure what happened, but it seemed like I saw her in a whole new and different light. Maybe it was God giving me a glimpse of the way He sees her. But suddenly I was looking at her, and she just seemed like a broken little girl. A poor, abused little girl, who was lost and confused and desperately needed someone to love her. Well now, it's no secret that I've never had a good relationship with that woman, but right then and there, I silently prayed that if I was supposed to say something that I'd know what it was, and that I'd be able to say it. So I paused for a moment, then said, “Lynn, it looks like life has been treating you kind of rough lately.”
She looked up at me and sort of squinted like she wasn't even sure who I was or why I was standing in her living room, then she said, “When hasn't life treated me rough?”
I nodded, trying very hard to remember that little girl and to show sincere empathy. “I know; it must be pretty hard.”
She ran her hand over her bruised cheek. “Yeah, I don't know why I don't just give up.”
I looked at a dingy chair across from her. “Can I sit down?”
“Sure.” She rolled her eyes with sarcasm. “Make yourself at home.”
I sat down and looked evenly across at her. “Did your boyfriend do that to you?”
”Ex-boyfriend.”
“Well, that's probably for the best.”
She lit a cigarette. “Yeah, I suppose if I had any sense, I'd just swear off men altogether.”
I nodded. “Yeah, that's pretty much what I've done.”
She looked at me curiously, then took a long drag from her cigarette. “You telling me you've sworn off men, Caitlin?” She laughed.
I chuckled too. “Yeah, something like that.”
“What's the deal? You turn into a lesbian or something?”
“No.” I laughed loudly now. “But God showed me it wasn't in my best interest to date guys. It just seemed to lead me into places where I don't really need to go.”
Now she looked clearly confused. “God showed you what?”
“That I needed to give up dating.”
“You gotta be kidding.”
I shook my head and now noticed that Beanie was standing like a shadow in the doorway to her bedroom. So I continued. “I know it sounds kind of crazy, but I can't tell you what a huge relief it is not to worry about all that dating stuff anymore. Now I can just focus on what's really important.”
She exhaled a long stream of blue smoke. “Like what?”
“Like my life and school and friends and God.”
“God again.” She ground out the cigarette in an overly full ashtray.
“Yeah, without God, I'm pretty sure