It's My Life - Melody Carlson [75]
Blessings!
Caitlin O'Conner
Diary of a Teenage Girl, Chloe book 3 Road Trip by Melody Carlson
Monday, August 30
(driving through Wyoming)
It's been almost three weeks on the road now, and I hate to admit it, but some of the glitz has worn a bit thin lately, or maybe it's just getting tarnished. At least for this girl anyway. On the other hand, Allie is still flying higher than a Pop-Tart. Between Allie, Laura, and me, Al's probably the best candidate for a life of fame and fortune. Not that we've seen too much of that since we've only played the state and county fair circuit so far, hanging out with the cows and quilts and raspberry preserves. We've seen more of the Midwest than I ever imagined existed and logged in more miles than I can track. I suggested we get of those maps with stickers of the states on it, but Allie said that would be lame. I'm not so sure.
We've also hit a few “megachurches” along the way. Last night we performed in a Colorado Springs church with about five thousand people in attendance. Just your average Sunday night service. Talk about overwhelming. I can't imagine ever fitting in at a church that size. Although I'm sure it works for some people, and the pastor seemed like a pretty cool dude. Just the same, it really makes me appreciate my little church back home where I know everybody by name.
Anyway, I think we've done about ten performances so far. Even so, it's safe to say that “Redemption” hasn't exactly become a household word yet–at least not as far as the name of our band goes. Hopefully the word “redemption” is still common in most households.
And backing up here, I don't mean to criticize Allie about her seamless adaptation to our new “celebrity” status. Although sometimes I expect she'd like to do an interview with Robin Leach, telling him about how fantastic it is for a drummer to suddenly be living the lifestyle of the “rich and famous.” Ha.
But to be perfectly honest, I think sometimes I almost envy her. Like the way Allie can walk into a room holding her head at this cocky little angle as she coolly scopes out the situation from behind her wire-rimmed purple shades. (I think this is becoming her signature.) And I'm rather impressed with how this sixteen-year-old girl can put out that rock star persona and actually get away with it. Whereas I feel completely stupid and conspicuous whenever I act like that. And believe me, I've tried it a couple of times.
“Just chill,” Allie told me yesterday when I was trying to sneak away from an impromptu signing that was making me feel claustrophobic. “This is no biggie.”
I rolled my eyes at her, then forced a smile to our gathering of “groupies,” who appeared to be in middle school.
“She's just shy,” Allie told the girls who were patiently waiting for her signature. “She'll grow out of it someday.”
At least this made them laugh. But I still felt dumb. Maybe I'm just incredibly insecure or socially inept. I'm not even sure what exactly it is that impairs me in this particular area. But the sad fact is: I feel unbearably self-conscious sometimes. Now that probably makes absolutely no sense when you consider how I like my appearance to be slightly shocking, or at least that's what some people say. To me, I look perfectly normal. I mean, sure, I've got my piercing, my egg-plant-colored short hair, and what some people consider a weird wardrobe, although it suits me. But those are not the things that make me self-conscious. It's something else entirely. I'm not even sure what, well, other than basic don't-look-at-me-too-close insecurity. Fortunately, I don't feel like that when I'm on stage playing my guitar.
Thank God, I am perfectly comfortable up in the lights when we're performing. It's as if all my fears just melt away. I'm sure I'm more comfortable than Allie up there, since she still suffers an occasional bout of stage fright. Although she hasn't barfed on my guitar recently.
Still, it bugs me that I do come slightly unglued when we're just hanging and people start pointing or staring at us as if we've just been beamed down