Jane Bites Back_ A Novel - Michael Thomas Ford [52]
Jane blushed. “Thank you,” she said. “Cassandra had some talent as an artist, but I’ve always thought that portrait makes me look a bit mousy. Also, I’ve changed my hair, you know.”
A smiled flashed across Lucy’s face. “Does Walter know he’s dating Jane Austen?” she asked.
“No,” Jane said quickly. “And he’s not going to. Lucy, promise me you won’t say anything. If you do, I’ll tell him you’ve gone mad or have a terrible addiction to painkillers or something.”
“Relax,” said Lucy. “I’m not telling anyone. For one thing, I wouldn’t do something like that. For another, I owe you for saving me from being the vampire love slave to Lord Byron.” She hesitated. “Actually, maybe I should be mad at you for that.”
“I just don’t know how I would tell Walter,” Jane said. “Of course I should tell him.”
“Are you kidding?” said Lucy. “Do you know what kind of pressure that would put on the poor guy?”
Jane shrugged. “Well, of course it would be difficult accepting the vampire issue.”
“The vampire issue?” Lucy said. “I’m talking about the Jane Austen issue. How would you like to be the guy dating Jane Austen?”
Jane was confused. “Would that be a bad thing?” she asked. “I mean, apart from the obvious.”
“Um, yeah,” said Lucy. “And it’s your own fault for coming up with Mr. Darcy. He’s every woman’s ideal. Some men’s too. What man can live up to that? You ruined it for every man on the planet when you wrote him up.”
Jane put her hands on her hips. “Are you accusing me of making it impossible for men to live up to an image?” she said.
“Yes,” Lucy replied simply. “Don’t deny it.”
“I do deny it,” Jane objected. “He’s just a character in a novel.”
Lucy looked shocked. “Just a character?” she said. “Just a novel?” She located a copy of Pride and Prejudice and waved it around. “This is only the greatest novel ever written,” she said.
Jane blushed. “You’re not the first to say so,” she said, trying to sound modest.
“Trust me,” said Lucy. “Do not tell Walter anything. At least not until you’re married.”
“Married?” said Jane. “Whatever makes you think I’m going to marry him?”
“I’ve read your books,” Lucy said. “This is exactly like one of them.”
“How so?” asked Jane. “I’ve never written about a vampire in my life.”
“Forget the vampire thing,” Lucy said. “You’ve got the lovely, kind man who adores you but whom you find a little bit boring.”
“I do not,” Jane denied.
“Yeah, you kind of do,” said Lucy. “And that’s okay. On the other hand, you have the incredibly sexy but totally-bad-for-you guy you can’t quite get out of your mind.”
“Go on,” Jane said. Now that Lucy had pointed it out, she had to admit that it really was a bit like something she might write.
“Well, now you just have to realize that the nice guy is a much better match for you,” Lucy concluded. “Then you marry him.”
“He hasn’t even asked me,” said Jane. “Not exactly.” She didn’t tell Lucy that Walter had as good as done so several times, and that she had simply pretended he hadn’t.
“Times have changed,” Lucy said. “Why don’t you ask him?”
“Times may have changed,” Jane agreed. “But I haven’t. At least not that much. Anyway, I don’t know that I want to marry Walter.”
“Don’t tell me there’s another hottie in the picture,” said Lucy.
An image of Kelly’s face popped into Jane’s mind. “No,” she said. “I just don’t know that I’m ready for marriage. Then there’s the whole … well, you know,” she concluded. She pushed her teeth out, her canines protruding over her lower lip.
“If you ask me, he wouldn’t care,” said Lucy.
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” Jane said. “There’s already been enough excitement for one day.”
“That’s true,” Lucy agreed. “I guess I have to get used to being your Alfred.”
“My what?”
“Your Alfred,” Lucy repeated. “As in Batman?”
Jane looked at her blankly. “Batman?” she said.
“Alfred was Bruce Wayne’s butler,” Lucy explained. “He knew Bruce Wayne was Batman, but he kept it a secret.”
“Ah,” said Jane. “I see. I hadn’t looked at it in quite that way.”
“We need a Batcave,” Lucy said. “A secret lair.