Jerusalem Syndrome - Marc Maron [24]
“Umm, alright.”
“It really couldn’t be more important.”
“Well, I’m not going to be up there for—” I cut him off.
“I’m here, man. I’m in Washington.”
“You’re here? Great, swing by.”
“No, I really can’t do that, not now. Pick a place and I’ll meet you.”
An hour later we met on the mall in front of the Washington Monument. I gave my old friend a hug. I started to feel Jim out a bit as we walked.
“This place has a weird energy to it,” I said. “It’s bigger than I thought it was.”
“That’s right, I forgot,” Jim said. “You’ve never been here. I’ll give you the tour. It’ll be great.”
“It’s got a really weird energy to it,” I said. “It’s the way it’s built. You know about that, right?”
“What, the monument?” he asked.
“Yeah, the monument is on a grid with the Capitol that’s separated by the reflecting pool. It’s based on an ancient ritual plan from Atlantis. As long as this stays intact, they’ll have control of the world, now that the implementation of television was successful,” I said like a scientist.
Jim laughed. “Yeah, it’s all a big evil thing, Marc.” He was being sarcastic. He thought I was joking.
“I think we’re all in trouble with Bush.”
“Yeah, well, he won,” Jim said. “He won’t be there forever.”
“He’s a Trilateralist, you know?” I said. “He kisses Bilderberger ass and does the monkey dance for the insiders at the Bohemian club.”
“Yeah,” Jim said and laughed. “You’re not one of those people now, are you?” Jim asked.
“What kind of people are you talking about? What kind of person are you now, Jim? Hey, do you think we can go to the Illuminati office while we’re here? I’d like to take a tour of that place.”
Jim gave me a puzzled look and ignored the question. I pulled back for a while. We toured the city and Jim pointed out the sights, but everything started to come together and break apart simultaneously as we walked around the rotunda of the Capitol.
I said, “Come on, man, are we going to walk around office buildings all day?”
Jim was honestly shocked and said, “This isn’t an office building. This is the Capitol of the United States of America.”
We were standing in front of busts of the founding fathers and dead senators, silly haircuts captured in stone and I lunged. “Jim, do you understand what’s going on here? These guys?” I said, pointing at the statues behind me. “These guys were a cabal of renegade deist freaks. They used to have ritual circle jerks, kill goats, wear the silly hats and chant incantations. That’s why they all left England. Because they couldn’t practice Satanism. Then they came here and built a government based on it. I mean, come on, the Pentagon! Pen-ta-gon. The Military Industrial Complex is in the business of round-the-clock human sacrifice with the U.N. security force. Wake up, my friend. Listen to me, I know.”
“What are you talking about?” Jim said. “The founding fathers had nothing to do with the Pentagon. It was built much later.”
“Yeah, but it’s all built on the great secret keepers’ original mystical momentum,” I said confidently.
“What momentum?”
“The founding fathers knew it. They rode the momentum. They were all out of control. How could they not be? Think about it, Jim. After the Revolutionary War, when all the leftover soldiers and mercenaries went up into the hills to fuck Indians and create hillbillies, these guys had all the land. They were partying because they knew they would run the world. Ben Franklin was a freak! Every other day he’d send his boy out. Picture it, Jimmy.”
I pulled my glasses down to the end of my nose like Ben Franklin.
“I want you to go over to George Washington’s place and pick up some reefer. Tell him you want the good shit and not the kind he makes rope from. Tell him Benny sent you and he’ll set you up with a nice bag. Then stop by Tommy Jefferson’s. If he’s coming, tell him to bring the black chicks. Hurry now. If you get back here before the party, I’ll hook you up to the kite again. You’d like that, wouldn’t you, Toby? Now go, score, Godspeed.”
“Come on, Marc. That just isn’t true,