Jingo - Terry Pratchett [57]
“Who’s he?” he whispered to Carrot.
“Prince Kalif. He’s the deputy ambassador.”
“Another prince?”
The man came to a halt in front of the table, glanced at Vimes with no show of recognition and bowed to Lord Rust.
“Prince Kalif,” said Lord Rust. “Your arrival is unannounced but nevertheless—”
“I have grave news, my lord.” Even in his stunned state, a part of Vimes registered that the voice was different. Khufurah had learned his second language on the street, but this one had had tutors.
“At a time like this, what news isn’t?” said Rust.
“There have been developments on the new land. Regrettable incidents. And indeed in Ankh-Morpork, too.” He glanced at Vimes again. “Although here, I must say, reports are confused. Lord Rust, I have to tell you we are, technically, at war.”
“Technically at war?” said Vimes.
“I am afraid events are carrying us forward,” said Kalif. “The situation is delicate.”
They know they’re going to fight, Vimes thought. This is just like the start of a dance, where you hang around looking at your partner…
“I must tell you that you are being given twelve hours to remove all your citizens from Leshp,” said Kalif. “If that is done, matters will be happily resolved. For the present.”
“Our response is that you have twelve hours to quit Leshp,” said Rust. “If that is not done, then we will take…steps…”
Kalif bowed slightly. “We understand one another. A formal document will be with you shortly and, no doubt, we will be receiving one from you.”
“Indeed.”
“Here, hang on, you can’t just—” Vimes began.
“Sir Samuel, you are no longer Commander of the Watch and you have no place at these proceedings,” said Rust sharply. He turned back to the Prince.
“It is unfortunate that things have come to this,” he said stiffly.
“Indeed. But there comes a time when words are no longer sufficient.”
“I must agree with you. And then it is time to test one’s strength.”
Vimes stared in fascinated horror from one face to the other.
“We will, of course, allow you time to quit your embassy. Such of it as remains.”
“So kind. And of course we will extend to you the same courtesy.” Kalif bowed slightly.
So did Rust.
“After all, just because our countries are at war is no reason why we should not respect one another as friends,” said Lord Rust.
“What? Yes, it bloody well is!” said Vimes. “I can’t believe this! You can’t just stand there and…good grief, whatever happened to diplomacy?”
“War, Vimes, is a continuation of diplomacy by other means,” said Lord Rust. “As you would know, if you were really a gentleman.”
“And you Klatchians are as bad,” Vimes went on. “It’s that green mouldy mutton Jenkins sells. You’ve all got Foaming Sheep Disease. You can’t just stand there and—”
“Sir Samuel, you are, as you are at pains to point out, a civilian,” said Rust. “As such, you have no place here!”
Vimes didn’t bother with a salute but just turned away and walked out of the room. The rest of the squad followed him in silence back to Pseudopolis Yard.
“I told him he could put it where the sun didn’t shine,” said Sergeant Colon, as they crossed the Brass Bridge.
“That’s right,” said Vimes woodenly. “Well done.”
“Right to his face. ‘Where the sun don’t shine.’ Just like that,” said Colon. It was a little difficult to tell from his tone whether this was a matter of pride or dread.
“I’m afraid Lord Rust is technically correct, sir,” said Carrot.
“Really.”
“Yes, Mr. Vimes. The safety of the city is of paramount importance, so in times of war the civil power is subject to military authority.”
“Hah.”
“I told him,” said Fred Colon. “Right where the sun does not shine, I said.”
“The deputy ambassador didn’t mention Prince Khufurah,” said Carrot. “That was odd.”
“I’m going home,” said Vimes.
“We’re nearly there, sir,” said Carrot.
“I mean home home. I need some sleep.”
“Yes, sir. What shall I tell the lads, sir?”
“Tell them anything you like.”
“I looked him right in the eye and I told him, I said, you can put it right where the—” mused Sergeant Colon.