Joe Wilson and His Mates [74]
as though in explanation to himself --
`"Oi must be walkin' or foightin'! -- Oi must be walkin' or foightin'! --
Oi must be walkin' or foightin'!"
`They say that he wanted to eat his Australian relatives before he was done;
and the story goes that one night, while he was on the spree,
they put their belongings into a cart and took to the Bush.
`There's no floury record for several years; then the Flour turned up
on the west coast of New Zealand and was never very far from a pub.
kept by a cousin (that he had tracked, unearthed, or discovered somehow)
at a place called "Th' Canary". I remember the first time I saw the Flour.
`I was on a bit of a spree myself, at Th' Canary, and one evening
I was standing outside Brady's (the Flour's cousin's place)
with Tom Lyons and Dinny Murphy, when I saw a big man coming across the flat
with a swag on his back.
`"B' God, there's the Flour o' Wheat comin' this minute,"
says Dinny Murphy to Tom, "an' no one else."
`"B' God, ye're right!" says Tom.
`There were a lot of new chums in the big room at the back,
drinking and dancing and singing, and Tom says to Dinny --
`"Dinny, I'll bet you a quid an' the Flour'll run against
some of those new chums before he's an hour on the spot."
`But Dinny wouldn't take him up. He knew the Flour.
`"Good day, Tom! Good day, Dinny!"
`"Good day to you, Flour!"
`I was introduced.
`"Well, boys, come along," says the Flour.
`And so we went inside with him. The Flour had a few drinks,
and then he went into the back-room where the new chums were.
One of them was dancing a jig, and so the Flour stood up in front of him
and commenced to dance too. And presently the new chum made a step
that didn't please the Flour, so he hit him between the eyes,
and knocked him down -- fair an' flat on his back.
`"Take that," he says. "Take that, me lovely whipper-snapper, an' lay there!
You can't dance. How dare ye stand up in front of me face to dance
when ye can't dance?"
`He shouted, and drank, and gambled, and danced, and sang,
and fought the new chums all night, and in the morning he said --
`"Well, boys, we had a grand time last night. Come and have a drink with me."
`And of course they went in and had a drink with him.
. . . . .
`Next morning the Flour was walking along the street, when he met a drunken,
disreputable old hag, known among the boys as the "Nipper".
`"Good MORNING, me lovely Flour o' Wheat!" says she.
`"Good MORNING, me lovely Nipper!" says the Flour.
`And with that she outs with a bottle she had in her dress,
and smashed him across the face with it. Broke the bottle to smithereens!
`A policeman saw her do it, and took her up; and they had the Flour
as a witness, whether he liked it or not. And a lovely sight he looked,
with his face all done up in bloody bandages, and only one damaged eye
and a corner of his mouth on duty.
`"It's nothing at all, your Honour," he said to the S.M.;
"only a pin-scratch -- it's nothing at all. Let it pass.
I had no right to speak to the lovely woman at all."
`But they didn't let it pass, -- they fined her a quid.
`And the Flour paid the fine.
`But, alas for human nature! It was pretty much the same even in those days,
and amongst those men, as it is now. A man couldn't do a woman a good turn
without the dirty-minded blackguards taking it for granted there was something
between them. It was a great joke amongst the boys who knew the Flour,
and who also knew the Nipper; but as it was carried too far in some quarters,
it got to be no joke to the Flour -- nor to those who laughed too loud
or grinned too long.
. . . . .
`The Flour's cousin thought he was a sharp man. The Flour got "stiff".
He hadn't any money, and his credit had run out, so he went and got
a blank summons from one of the police he knew. He pretended
that he wanted to frighten a man who owed him some money.
Then he filled it up and took it to his cousin.
`"What d'ye think of that?" he says,
`"Oi must be walkin' or foightin'! -- Oi must be walkin' or foightin'! --
Oi must be walkin' or foightin'!"
`They say that he wanted to eat his Australian relatives before he was done;
and the story goes that one night, while he was on the spree,
they put their belongings into a cart and took to the Bush.
`There's no floury record for several years; then the Flour turned up
on the west coast of New Zealand and was never very far from a pub.
kept by a cousin (that he had tracked, unearthed, or discovered somehow)
at a place called "Th' Canary". I remember the first time I saw the Flour.
`I was on a bit of a spree myself, at Th' Canary, and one evening
I was standing outside Brady's (the Flour's cousin's place)
with Tom Lyons and Dinny Murphy, when I saw a big man coming across the flat
with a swag on his back.
`"B' God, there's the Flour o' Wheat comin' this minute,"
says Dinny Murphy to Tom, "an' no one else."
`"B' God, ye're right!" says Tom.
`There were a lot of new chums in the big room at the back,
drinking and dancing and singing, and Tom says to Dinny --
`"Dinny, I'll bet you a quid an' the Flour'll run against
some of those new chums before he's an hour on the spot."
`But Dinny wouldn't take him up. He knew the Flour.
`"Good day, Tom! Good day, Dinny!"
`"Good day to you, Flour!"
`I was introduced.
`"Well, boys, come along," says the Flour.
`And so we went inside with him. The Flour had a few drinks,
and then he went into the back-room where the new chums were.
One of them was dancing a jig, and so the Flour stood up in front of him
and commenced to dance too. And presently the new chum made a step
that didn't please the Flour, so he hit him between the eyes,
and knocked him down -- fair an' flat on his back.
`"Take that," he says. "Take that, me lovely whipper-snapper, an' lay there!
You can't dance. How dare ye stand up in front of me face to dance
when ye can't dance?"
`He shouted, and drank, and gambled, and danced, and sang,
and fought the new chums all night, and in the morning he said --
`"Well, boys, we had a grand time last night. Come and have a drink with me."
`And of course they went in and had a drink with him.
. . . . .
`Next morning the Flour was walking along the street, when he met a drunken,
disreputable old hag, known among the boys as the "Nipper".
`"Good MORNING, me lovely Flour o' Wheat!" says she.
`"Good MORNING, me lovely Nipper!" says the Flour.
`And with that she outs with a bottle she had in her dress,
and smashed him across the face with it. Broke the bottle to smithereens!
`A policeman saw her do it, and took her up; and they had the Flour
as a witness, whether he liked it or not. And a lovely sight he looked,
with his face all done up in bloody bandages, and only one damaged eye
and a corner of his mouth on duty.
`"It's nothing at all, your Honour," he said to the S.M.;
"only a pin-scratch -- it's nothing at all. Let it pass.
I had no right to speak to the lovely woman at all."
`But they didn't let it pass, -- they fined her a quid.
`And the Flour paid the fine.
`But, alas for human nature! It was pretty much the same even in those days,
and amongst those men, as it is now. A man couldn't do a woman a good turn
without the dirty-minded blackguards taking it for granted there was something
between them. It was a great joke amongst the boys who knew the Flour,
and who also knew the Nipper; but as it was carried too far in some quarters,
it got to be no joke to the Flour -- nor to those who laughed too loud
or grinned too long.
. . . . .
`The Flour's cousin thought he was a sharp man. The Flour got "stiff".
He hadn't any money, and his credit had run out, so he went and got
a blank summons from one of the police he knew. He pretended
that he wanted to frighten a man who owed him some money.
Then he filled it up and took it to his cousin.
`"What d'ye think of that?" he says,