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She settled back against the pillows, and he became acutely aware of the dark circles under her eyes, the pale line of her lips…and the fact that she wasn’t fighting with him.

Don’t ask, he told himself.

Ah, hell. “What happened this afternoon?”

“I just needed some time alone.”

“I’m not talking about how you ditched Fritz. We’ll get to that later. I want to know about the doc’s.”

“Oh, yeah. That.”

He stared at her while she fiddled with the edge of the quilt. As she stayed silent, he wanted to scream. Throw things. Burn something down.

“Well?” he forced out.

“It wasn’t that I thought you were unworthy.”

What the hell was she talking about? Oh, yeah, that lovely little attending-her-when-she-was-ill conversation. Man, she was in full avoidance mode.

“How bad is it, Mary. And don’t even think about lying to me.”

Her eyes met his. “They want me to start chemo next week.”

Rhage exhaled slowly. Well, if that didn’t just peel the skin right off him.

He sat on the far edge of the bed and shut the door with his mind. “Will it work?”

“I think so. My doctor and I are going to meet again in a couple of days after she talks to some of her colleagues. The biggest question is how much more of the treatment I can handle, so they took blood to check my liver and kidneys. I told them I’ll take as much as they can give me.”

He rubbed his face with his palm. “Jesus Christ.”

“I watched my mother die,” she said softly. “It was awful. Seeing her lose her faculties and be in such pain. By the end she didn’t look like herself, she didn’t act like herself. She was gone except for the body that refused to quit its basic functions. I’m not saying that’s where I’m headed, but it’s going to be rough.”

Goddamn, his chest hurt. “And you don’t want me going through that?”

“No, I don’t. I don’t want that for either of us. I’d rather you remember me the way I am now. And I’d rather remember us the way we’ve been. I’m going to need some happy places to go.”

“I want to be there for you.”

“And I don’t need that. I’m not going to have the energy to put up a front. And pain…pain makes people change.”

It sure the hell did. He felt like he’d aged about a century since he’d met her.

“Oh, Rhage…” When her voice wavered, she cleared it sharply. And he despised her for needing to be in control. “I’m going to…miss you.”

He glanced at her over his shoulder. He knew if he tried to hold her she’d bolt from the room, so he grabbed on to the edge of the mattress. And squeezed.

“What am I doing?” She laughed awkwardly. “I’m sorry to burden you with all this. I know you’ve moved on and everything.”

“Moved on?” he ground out. “How you figure that?”

“The woman last night. Anyway—”

“What female?”

When she shook her head, he lost his temper. “God damn you, can you just answer my question without a fucking fight? Consider it a pity throw, a novelty. I’m leaving in a few minutes anyway, so you won’t have to worry about doing it again.”

As her shoulders sagged he felt like hell for yelling at her. But before he could apologize, she said, “I’m talking about the woman you took to bed last night. I…I waited for you. I wanted to tell you I was sorry…. I saw you go into your room with her. Look, I didn’t bring this up to guilt you or something.”

No, of course not. She didn’t want anything from him. Not his love. Not his support. Not his guilt. Not even the sex.

He shook his head, his voice going flat. He was so tired of explaining himself to her, but he did it out of reflex. “That was the Directrix of the Chosen. We were talking about my feeding, Mary. I wasn’t having sex with her.”

He looked down at the floor. Then let go of the bed and put his head in his hands.

There was a silence. “I’m sorry, Rhage.”

“Yeah. So am I.”

He heard a hiccupping noise and shuffled his fingers so he could see her face through a hole. But she wasn’t crying. No, not Mary. She was too strong for that.

He wasn’t, though. He had tears in his eyes.

Rhage cleared his throat and blinked a lot. When he glanced over at her again,