J.R. Ward the Black Dagger Brotherhood Novels 1-4 - J. R. Ward [588]
“Are you…one of them?”
“I don’t want to be. And I don’t want to hurt you or anyone else. But see, this is the problem. There’s too much shit I don’t know.”
“Butch, let me help you.”
He cursed. “What if—”
“What ifs don’t cut it.” She took a deep breath. “I won’t lie. I’m scared. But I don’t want to turn my back on you and you’re a fool to try and make me.”
He shook his head, respect in his eyes. “You always been this courageous?”
“No. But it appears that for you, I guess I am. Are you going to let me in?”
“I want to. I feel like I need to.” But it was quite a while before he crossed the room. “Is it okay for me to sit next to you?”
When she nodded and moved over, he lowered himself onto the bed, the mattress dipping down from his weight, her body sliding into his. He stared at her for the longest time before reaching for her hand. God, his palm was so warm and big.
He bent down and brushed his lips over her knuckles, then rubbed his mouth back and forth. “I want to lie down next to you. Not for sex. Not for anything like that. Just—”
“Yes.”
As he stood up, she lifted the sheets, but he shook his head. “I stay on top.”
He took off his coat and stretched out beside her. Pulled her up close. Kissed the top of her head.
“You seem really tired,” he said in the candlelight.
“I feel really tired.”
“So sleep and let me watch over you.”
She wedged herself even more tightly against his big body and exhaled. It was so good just to rest her head on his chest and feel his warmth and smell him up close. He stroked her back slowly, and she fell asleep so fast she didn’t realize she’d gone under until she felt the bed moving and woke up.
“Butch?”
“I’ve got to go talk with Vishous.” He kissed the back of her hand. “You keep resting. I don’t like how pale you are.”
She smiled a little. “No caretaking.”
“That was just a suggestion.” His lips lifted on one side. “How about we meet before First Meal? I’ll wait for you downstairs in the library.”
When she nodded, he leaned down and ran his fingertip across her cheek. Then he glanced at her lips and the scent he was throwing off abruptly got stronger.
Their eyes locked.
It took less than a second before a craving lit off in her veins, a kind of burning, clenching need. Of their own accord, her eyes shifted from his face to his throat and her fangs began to throb as her reality shrunk to nothing but instinct: She wanted to pierce his thick vein. She wanted to feed from him. And she wanted him to have sex with her body while she did.
Bloodlust.
Oh, God. That’s why she was so tired. She hadn’t been able to feed from Rehvenge the other night, and then there had been all the stress of Butch being so ill, followed by his taking off. Plus the thing with Havers.
Not that the whys mattered at the moment. All she knew was the hunger.
Her lips parted and she started to reach forward—
Except what would happen if she drank from him?
Well, that was easy. She’d drain him dry trying to satisfy herself because his human blood was so weak. She would kill him.
But God, he would taste good.
She cut off the voice of the bloodlust, and in an act of iron will, put her arms under the sheets. “I’ll see you tonight.”
As Butch straightened, his eyes dulled and he put his hands over the front of his hips, like he was hiding an erection. Which naturally made the urge to grab him get even stronger.
“You take care of yourself, Marissa,” he said in a low, sad tone.
He was at the door when she said, “Butch?”
“Yeah?”
“I don’t think of you as weak.”
He frowned as if wondering where that came from. “Neither do I. Sleep well, beautiful. I’ll see you soon.”
When she was alone, she waited for the hunger to pass and it did. Which gave her some hope. With