Judas Horse_ An FBI Special Agent Ana Grey Mystery - April Smith [106]
“Because I did such a…a really good job.”
“Here. You’re feeling some emotion.”
“I’m sorry.”
“What’s going on right now, Ana? Take your time.”
“I don’t know why I should be upset. I did a really good job. Does it say in there—Do you know my history?”
“What do you mean?”
“Does it say that I once shot a police detective at point-blank range?”
“Yes, I know.”
“Okay. That’s all.”
“Do you think about that incident a lot, Ana?”
“All the time.”
“Can you describe your thoughts?”
“Like a track playing in the background.”
“Do specific images and ideas intrude into your daily activities?”
“Yes.”
“How often?”
“All the time.”
“How’s your mood lately?”
“Sad.”
“Ever since this second shooting?”
“No, because I’m bored! The case is going nowhere; there’s nothing to do. We’re waiting for the harvest—we grow hazelnuts—and for the leader of the group to make another move, but all he does is read the fish reports.”
“He’s a fisherman?”
“No, he reads the fish counts in the paper. Out loud, every morning. How many salmon went through the fishways at the Bonneville Dam. It’s nuts.”
“Well, they’re spawning. Some people think it’s a big deal.”
“Like I care.”
“Are you more irritable lately?”
“Obviously. More like numbed out.”
“Remind me—how long ago did you go through critical incident training at the FBI?”
“A couple of months after the shooting incident. It’s standard before they let you back to work.”
“Did you receive a diagnosis at that time of PTSD?”
“Post-traumatic stress disorder? Yeah, we all had it; that’s why we were there.”
“I’m curious—”
“You’re curious about a lot of things.”
“Did you have follow-up with a psychologist? PTSD usually takes more than a few sessions to improve. But it can improve. Dramatically.”
“Well, a woman doctor in Los Angeles evaluated me—I forget her name, but she’s the one who approved me for duty.”
“I’m not sure that she did.”
“I’m confused.”
“Let me try to clear up the confusion. You fit every criterion for a diagnosis of PTSD. You’ve had life-threatening trauma, resulting in intense fear and horror. Your current symptoms include mental replay of the trauma, numbing, avoidance, intrusive thoughts…. And all of this has been going on since your evaluation, months ago. Frankly, I can’t see why they put you on this case.”
“I fit the profile.”
“Hundreds of other young female FBI agents fit the profile, too. Let me explain. I’m retired from private practice, Ana. I own an office building in downtown Portland and property in Seattle. I have a very nice life and I don’t need the money. I’m an old lefty, and I don’t give a damn if I’m fired by the FBI or if they screw with my tax returns, or whatever. You’re smiling.”
“We don’t do that, but go ahead.”
“I do this to keep my hand in, and because I want to be of service. So I can be objective, and say, objectively, that there’s been an egregious error.”
“You think they know about the PTSD?”
“Any examining doctor would have recommended that you not serve undercover.”
“The SAC and the assistant director approved me.”
“Then somewhere along the line, the doctor was overruled.”
“Are you saying they put me on this case on purpose? Hoping I would crack?”
“I’m strongly suggesting that there has been an error—error, not malice—because I would like to believe that no ethical commander would intentionally send a disabled soldier back into battle.”
“Unless he wanted you to fail.”
“That has not been my experience of the Bureau.”
“Do you know Peter Abbott?”
“The son of the congressman from Oregon?”
“Yes, well, now Peter Abbott is a deputy director of the FBI. My boss believes he is trying to undermine this case. Or at least bend it his way. We don’t know why. It all started out so crystal clear, but now I couldn’t tell you who is running their game on whom. This is exactly where you’re not supposed to be, and it’s pissing me off.”
“You’re an excellent foot soldier, Ana, and you have extraordinary qualities of persistence and dedication, but you’re still