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“I know he’s cute,” I said. “That’s because all monkeys are cute. Except for I don’t like the big kind that can kill you.”

Principal shook his head. “No, Junie B., that’s not what I mean. I mean your brother isn’t really a monkey at all. He’s just a little baby boy.”

I made a frowny face. “No, he is not a little baby boy,” I told him. “He’s a real, alive, baby monkey with black hairy fur and long fingers and toes. You can ask my grandma Miller if you don’t believe me.”

And so guess what Principal did then? He called her, that’s what! He called Grandma Miller right up on the phone!

And then he talked to her. And then I talked to her too!

“Hey, Grandma!” I said very shouty. “Guess what just happened down here? Principal said that my baby brother isn’t a real, alive monkey. Only he is. ’Cause you told me that. Remember? You said he was a monkey. For really and honest and truly.”

Then Grandma Miller said she was very sorry. But she didn’t mean he was a real monkey. She just meant he was cute.

Just like Principal explained to me.

And so then I felt very droopy inside.

“Yeah, only what about all of his black hair? And his long fingers and toes?” I said. “And what about his bed that looks like a cage? And the wallpaper with his jungle friends on it?”

But Grandma Miller kept on saying that my new brother was just a regular cute baby. And so finally I didn’t want to talk to her anymore. And I hanged up the phone.

Then I bended my head way down. And my eyes got a little bit of wet in them.

“Darn it,” I said very quiet.

After that, Principal gave me a tissue. And he said, “I’m sorry,” to me.

Then he held my hand.

And me and him walked back to Room Nine.

9/Pigs and Ducks and Stuff

Principal went into Room Nine with me.

Then he clapped his giant hands together.

“Boys and girls? May I please have your attention?” he said. “I would like to explain what happened during Show and Tell today. It’s about Junie B. Jones and her new baby brother.”

Just then that Jim I hate jumped right up out of his chair.

“He’s not a monkey, is he?” he shouted very loud. “I knew it! I knew he wasn’t a monkey!”

I made a big fist at him. “HOW WOULD YOU LIKE THIS UP YOUR NOSE, YOU BIG DUMB JIM?” I hollered.

Then Principal frowned at me. And so I smiled.

“I hate that guy,” I said nicely.

After that, Principal took a big breath.

“Boys and girls, there’s a good reason why Junie B. told you that her baby brother was a monkey,” he said.

“Yeah! It was all my grandma Miller’s fault!” I interrupted. “Because she told me that my brother was a little monkey. Only she didn’t mean he was a real little monkey. She just meant he was cute. Only who the heck knew that dumb thing?”

Principal made another frown at me. Then he talked some more.

“You see, boys and girls,” he said. “Sometimes adults say things that can be very confusing to children. Like what if you heard me talking about a lucky duck? You might think I was talking about a real live duck. But lucky duck just means a lucky person.”

“Right,” said Mrs. “And when we call someone a busy bee, we don’t mean he’s a real bee. We just mean he’s a hard worker.”

“Hey! I just thought of another one!” I said very excited. “A dumb bunny isn’t a real alive bunny, either! It’s just a plain old dumb guy!”

Then my friend Lucille raised her hand.

“I’ve got one, too,” she said. “Sometimes my nanna calls my daddy a couch potato. Only he’s not a real potato. He’s just a lazy bum.”

“Yeah, and I’m not a big pig,” said my new boyfriend Ricardo. “But my mom says I eat like one.”

After that, a whole bunch of other kids said they eat like big pigs, too.

Only a boy named Donald said he eats like a horse.

And crybaby William eats like a bird.

Just then it was time for the bell to ring. And so me and Principal said bye-bye to each other. And I went to my seat.

Then I gave Lucille back her red chair. She was very nice to me.

“I’m sorry that your brother isn’t a real monkey, Junie B.,” she said.

“Thank you, Lucille,” I said. “I’m sorry