Junie B. Jones and That Meanie Jim's Birthday - Barbara Park [4]
Just then, Grampa Miller made his voice real quiet.
“You haven’t even heard the best part yet,” he whispered. “Guess what I’m going to be fixing?”
I whispered back at him. “What?”
Then Grampa said for me to hang on a minute. On account of he wanted to close his door. Or else my grandma might hear.
“If your grandma hears, then she’ll want to be my helper, instead of you,” he said.
I waited very patient.
“Ready?” he said.
“Ready,” I said.
“Okay. I’m going to be fixing the upstairs toilet.”
Just then, my mouth came all the way open.
’Cause fixing the upstairs toilet is a dream come true, that’s why!
“Are you gonna take the lid off the top, Grampa? And are you gonna keep flushing it and flushing it? And are you gonna watch all the water go out of that thing?” I asked.
“Sure I am! Of course I am! That’s half the fun of fixing the toilet! Right?” he said.
“Right!” I said very excited. “Plus also I love that big ball that floats on the top.”
“Me, too!” said my grampa. “I love that big ball, too! And so I can count on you, can’t I? You and I have a date on Saturday, right?”
I thought some more.
“Yeah, only I think there’s something you forgot, Grampa.”
“What?” he asked. “What did I forget, little girl?”
I raised my eyebrows at that sillyhead.
“You forgot that I’m moving today.”
5/Being a Buzzing Bee
Grandma and Grampa Miller take turns baby-sitting me before lunch. Then they get me dressed for kindergarten.
Except for today, Mother came home from work. And she got me dressed instead.
She said she would drive me to school.
“If I drive you, then you won’t have to see Jim on the bus,” she said very thoughtful.
She got out my clothes for school.
It was my jumper with the frogs on it.
“Yeah, only guess what? I’m not even wearing school clothes today. On account of I’m moving. And so I have to wear moving man clothes.”
Mother kept on trying to put that jumper on me.
That’s how come I made my legs and arms real stiff. So they wouldn’t fit in there that good.
Then me and Mother wrestled a teeny bit. And she stood me on my head. And she pulled my tights on me.
“You’re not moving, Junie B.,” she said. “You’re going to school, and that’s final. Running away from your problems never solves anything.”
“Yeah, only I’m not even running,” I said. “I’m calling Ryder Rents Trucks. And those guys will drive me.”
Mother smiled. She tried to hug me. But I kept on staying real stiff.
I stayed real stiff all the way in the car to school.
Mother parked the car in the parking lot.
Then she lifted me out the door. And she carried me real stiff to the playground.
She stood me up in the grass.
“Everything will be fine. You’ll see,” she said. “Just remember what Daddy and I told you. If anyone talks about the party, pretend it doesn’t bother you.”
She kissed me good-bye on my stiff head.
Just then, I heard voices hollering.
“JUNIE B.! HEY, JUNIE B.! LOOK! LOOK WHAT WE GOT!” they hollered.
I turned around.
It was my bestest friends, Lucille and that Grace. They were running at me.
“Look!” said Lucille. “Look what Jim gave us! It’s invitations to his birthday party on Saturday!”
“It’s just like he told us, Junie B.!” said that Grace. “He’s really gonna have a petting zoo there!”
I quick covered my ears with my hands.
Then I closed my eyes. And I sang a loud song at them.
It is called “I Can’t Hear You, You’re Not Even Botherin’ Me.”
I sang it at the top of my lungs.
“I CAAA-ANNN’T HEARRRR YOU!
“I CAAA-ANNN’T HEARRRR YOU!
“YOU’RE NOT E-VEN BOTHERIN’ MEEEE!”
Then I kept on singing and singing that thing till they went away.
Also they did the cuckoo sign at me.
After that, I sat down in the grass all by myself. And I looked all around the playground.
Lots of other children had invitations, too.
“Darn it,” I whispered. “Darn it. Darn it. Darn it.”
That’s when I saw that meanie Jim.
He was giving an invitation to a boy named Crybaby William.
Crybaby William is the scarediest cat