Junie B. Jones Has a Monster Under Her Bed - Barbara Park [1]
He poked his finger at me.
“Even you, Junie B. Jones,” he said.
I got shivers on my arms.
“No, I do not either, Paulie Allen Puffer,” I said.
“Yes, you do too,” he said back. “My brother is in seventh grade. And he says the monster waits till you’re asleep. Then he crawls up next to you. And he lies down on your pillow. And he practices fitting your head in his mouth.”
I covered up my ears. But Paulie Allen Puffer talked louder.
“I can even prove it,” he said. “Didn’t you ever wake up with a drool spot on your pillow?”
I thought very hard.
“Yeah…so?”
“So where do you think it came from?” he asked. “It came from the monster under your bed, that’s where. It was monster drool, Junie B. Jones.”
I shook my head real fast.
“No it was not, Paulie Allen Puffer! You stop saying that! And I mean it!”
He raised up his eyebrows.
“Well, where did it come from then? You don’t drool on your pillow. Do you? You’re not a baby, are you?” he said.
“No! Don’t call me that! I am not a baby!” I yelled.
Paulie Allen Puffer crossed his arms.
“So where did the drool come from then?” he asked again.
“I don’t know,” I said. “But my daddy told me there’s no such things as monsters.”
“So what? Daddies have to say that,” said Paulie Allen Puffer. “That’s so you’ll go to sleep at night and not bother them.”
He squinted his eyes at me.
“Why do you think daddies and mommies sleep together in the same room, anyway? It’s so they can protect each other from the monster. Or else their heads might get chewed off.”
Just then, I wrinkled up my nose at that terrible thought. Then I hanged out my tongue. And I did a sick face.
And guess what?
The cheese man took the class picture.
2/Just Say Right!
After school pictures, we went back to Room Nine.
I put my head down on my table.
“There’s no such things as monsters. There’s no such things as monsters,” I whispered to just myself. “’Cause my very own daddy told me that. And he wouldn’t even lie to me…probably.”
Mrs. said for me to sit up in my chair.
She passed out work for us to do.
It was called printing our letters. Only I didn’t actually feel like doing that.
I tapped on my bestest friend named Lucille.
“Guess what, Lucille? There’s no such things as monsters. There’s really, really not. And so a monster doesn’t even live under my bed, probably. Right, Lucille? Right? Right?”
“Shh! I’m doing my letters,” she said.
“Yes, Lucille. I know you are doing your letters. Only I just wanted to tell you about the monster. ’Cause he’s not even real …right?”
Lucille didn’t say right.
“How come you’re not saying right, Lucille? Just say right. Okay? Just say monsters aren’t real. And I won’t even bother you anymore.”
All of a sudden, Lucille did a mad breath.
“Now look what you made me do, Junie B.! You made me ruin my big G! I told you not to bother me!”
She quick grabbed her paper and runned to Mrs. to fix it.
I tapped my fingers on my table.
Then I turned around and looked behind me.
I smiled at a boy named crybaby William.
“Guess what, William. There’s no such things as monsters. And so a monster doesn’t even live under my bed, probably. Right? William? Right? Right?”
William moved his seat away from me.
I followed him in my chair.
“I’m right, don’t you think, William? A monster really doesn’t live under my bed, does he? Plus also, he doesn’t put my head in his mouth.”
William sliled his chair away some more.
I scooted after him.
“Just say right. Okay, William? Just say there’s not a monster under my bed. And I will be on my way.”
William picked up his chair. He carried it all the way to the middle of the floor.
That’s how come I had to carry my chair to the middle of the floor, too.
I sat down and smiled very sweet.
“Right, William? I’m right, aren’t I?” I said.
Only too bad for me. ’Cause just then I felt hands on my shoulders.
I looked up.
It was Mrs.
I did a gulp.
“Hello.