Junie B. Jones Has a Monster Under Her Bed - Barbara Park [3]
“Yes, but I have new information,” I said. “’Cause the monster under my bed turns himself invisible whenever we look at him. Plus at night—after my eyes are closed—he climbs next to me. And he puts my head in his mouth.”
Grandma Miller did a big breath. Then she went to the kitchen. And she brought back my daddy’s flashlight.
She shined it under my bed.
“No monster, Junie B. None. I don’t see one single monster under this bed,” she said.
“See?” I said. “That proves it, Grandma! He turned himself invisible!”
Grandma Miller shook her head.
“No, Junie B. The monster did not turn himself invisible. The monster is simply not there. He does not exist. Period.”
“Yes, he does, Grandma! He does too exist. ’Cause Paulie Allen Puffer’s big brother even said so. Plus also I’ve seen the drool.”
Grandma Miller said to calm down my voice. She got me a drink of water.
“Why don’t we forget about the monster for now, and we’ll go make popcorn. You can talk to your mother about this when she gets home. I bet Mother will know exactly what to do.”
I thought and thought.
“What, Grandma? What will she do?” I asked.
Then—all of a sudden—a light bulb went on in my head.
“Hey! I know what she’ll do! Mother will get the broom and bash the monster’s head in! ’Cause I saw her do that to a roach before! And she is excellent at it!”
Grandma Miller closed her eyes again.
She said I am a strange one.
4/Spooky and Scary
Pretty soon, Mother came home from work.
I zoomed to her speedy quick. And handed her the broom.
“MOTHER! MOTHER! COME ON! COME ON! LET’S GO! LET’S GO GET THE MONSTER!” I hollered.
Mother turned her head real slow. And she looked at Grandma Miller.
Grandma sucked in her cheeks.
“A monster,” she said kind of quiet. “Under the bed. We’ve been waiting for you to come home, so you can bash its head in.”
I tugged on her sweater.
“Plus tell her about the drool, Grandma!” I said.
But Grandma Miller headed to the door. And she said the words I’m outta here.
I pulled on Mother’s arm.
“Come on! Come on, Mother! The monster’s really real! ’Cause Paulie Allen Puffer told me everybody has a monster under the bed! Plus that Grace said it can turn invisible. And so that is how come we never saw that guy before.”
Mother sat down at the kitchen table. And she lifted me onto her lap.
Then she said that Paulie Allen Puffer was just trying to scare me. Plus that Grace didn’t know what she was talking about.
“There is no monster under your bed, Junie B. I promise you. Monsters are not real,” she said.
“Yes, they are! They are too real! ’Cause Paulie Allen Puffer’s brother even said so! And he is in seventh grade! And he said monsters crawl on your bed! And they fit your head in their mouth! And so that is where the drool comes from! ’Cause I am not even a baby!”
Just then, I heard the front door open.
It was my daddy! He was home from work, too!
“Daddy, Daddy! There’s a monster under my bed! Only you said monsters aren’t real. But they really, really are!”
I pulled on his arm.
“Come on, Daddy! Let’s get him!”
Daddy looked at Mother a real long time.
They went in the hall and did whispering.
Pretty soon, Daddy came back to me.
He said we would look for the monster after dinner. But first we would cook some hamburgers on the grill.
“Oh boy!” I said. “Oh boy! ’Cause hamburgers are my most favorite things in the whole wide world! Plus also I like pasketti and meatballs.”
After that, me and Daddy went outside.
He got a flipper for the hamburgers. Then he gave me a flipper, too. ’Cause I am old enough, that’s why.
I runned all over with that thing.
I flipped a rock and a flower and a dirt ball. Plus also, I flipped a dead lizard I found in the driveway.
Then Mother took my flipper away.
’Cause I am not old enough, that’s why.
After dinner I took my bath.
Then Mother and Daddy read me a story. And they hugged me good night.
“See you in the morning,” said Mother.
“See you in the morning,” said Daddy.
I sat up in my bed.
“Yeah, only I