Junie B. Jones Is (Almost) a Flower Girl - Barbara Park [7]
Bo did a teeny frown.
“You’re not a grown-up lady,” she said.
“Yes, I am so a grown-up lady, Bo!” I said back. “Just ask my mother if you don’t believe me. ’Cause I acted grown-up for the whole entire wedding, almost.”
Just then, I quick put my napkin in my lap.
“See this, Bo? See how I am putting this napkin in my lap? If I was a baby, I would tuck it in my collar. But grown-up ladies put them in their laps.”
I sat up even taller.
“And see how straight and tall I am sitting? This is how grown-up ladies sit,” I said. “We never slouch and slump.”
After that, I sat very still. And I didn’t move a muscle.
“Now look at me, Bo,” I said out of the corner of my mouth. “See how still I am sitting? I am not even squirming. On account of grown-up ladies do not get ants in their pants, that’s why.”
I folded my hands very polite.
“Now I am folding my hands very polite. And I am waiting for my food.”
Bo kept on looking at me.
“The end,” I said.
After that, I kept sitting there a real long time.
That’s how come Bo got tired of looking at me. And she started playing with her spoon.
She clinked it on her water glass.
Also, she clinked it on her plate. And her knife. And her head.
“Grown-up ladies do not clink their spoons,” I said.
Bo shrugged her shoulders at me.
After that, she made a puppet out of her napkin. And she made it bite my nose.
“Hey!” I said very surprised.
Then I quick did a frown.
“Grown-up ladies do not play with their napkins,” I said.
After that, I did a big sigh. ’Cause my food was taking a million thousand years, that’s why.
Finally, my legs started to get stiffish and tightish.
Also, I got an ant in my pant.
And my foot went to sleep.
That is how come I had to hop down from my chair. And I stamped my foot on the floor.
“Sometimes ladies have to stamp their sleeping feet,” I explained to Bo. “It is perfectly acceptable to do this.”
After that, I shaked my foot all around. But it still did not wake up.
I looked at Bo.
“Okay. Here’s the thing. Sometimes ladies have to skip around the table to get their blood pumping,” I said.
“Really?” said Bo.
“Yes,” I said. “Trust me. I know what I’m doing.”
After that, I started to skip around the table. Only too bad for me. ’Cause my new shoes hurt my heels a real lot. Plus also my fancy pantyhose drooped all the way down to my knees.
I walked back to my seat very limping.
I looked at Bo again.
“Sometimes ladies have to go under the table and adjust theirselves,” I said.
Bo looked curious at me.
“They do?” she asked.
“Of course they do,” I said. “That’s how come they make the tablecloths so long.”
After that, I ducked under the tablecloth. And I quick took off my shoes. Plus also I took off my pantyhose.
“Ahh. Better,” I said.
Then I climbed back onto my chair again. And I wiggled my piggy toes all around in the air.
“What a relief,” I said. “Loose feet.”
All of a sudden, my eyes got big and wide! And I did a gasp!
’Cause that reminded me of what Mother and Daddy told me!
“BO! HEY, BO!” I said real thrilled. “LOOSE FEET! GET IT? I HAVE LOOSE FEET!”
“Huh? What?” said Bo.
And so that’s how come I told her all about my boyfriend named Ricardo. And how he wanted to chase other people. And how Mother and Daddy said I should have loose feet!
“Get it, Bo? Get it?” I asked. “Mother and Daddy were right! Loose feet are funner than grown-up feet!”
After that, I quick got on my knees. And I clinked my water glass with my spoon. Also, I clinked my plate and my fork and my head.
“Sometimes it’s fun to be little! Right, Bo? Right? Right?” I said.
Me and Bo clinked spoons.
“Right!” she said real giggly.
After that, I made a puppet out of my napkin. And I made it bite Bo’s nose.
And that is not even the best part!
’Cause after lunch, me and Bo skipped around the whole entire room in bare feet! And we throwed flower petals on people’s heads! And no one even got mad. ’Cause when you’re little, you can get away with those kind of shenanigans!
It was the funnest time I ever