Junie B. Jones Loves Handsome Warren - Barbara Park [1]
“THERE HE IS! THERE HE IS! HE’S OVER THERE UNDER THAT TREE! SEE HIM, JUNIE B.? SEE HIM?”
I squinted my hardest at that guy.
Then my eyes practically popped out of my head!
’Cause he was handsome like a movie star! That’s why!
“Wowie-wow-wow! What a chunk!” I said. “I would like him for my new boyfriend, I think!”
Lucille made angry eyes at me.
“No!” she hollered. “Don’t say that, Junie B.! He can’t be your boyfriend. He can only be my boyfriend. ’Cause I saw him first!”
I thought it over very careful.
“Yeah, only here’s the problem, Lucille,” I said. “Me and Grace didn’t actually get a crack at him yet.”
“Yeah,” said that Grace. “We definitely need a crack at him. And so now you have to introduce us.”
Lucille stamped her foot.
“No!” she yelled. “No! No! No! ’Cause you guys will steal him away from me! And that’s not even fair! Plus, Junie B. already has a boyfriend. Remember, Junie B.? You already have Ricardo! Remember?”
I did another peek at Handsome Warren.
“Yeah, only I think I may be ready to move on,” I said very quiet.
That’s when Lucille’s face got boiling mad. And she stomped away from us speedy quick.
Only me and that Grace didn’t even care.
We just kept peeking and peeking at that handsome boy.
’Cause he was beauty to our eyes.
2/Pigs
Lucille sits next to me in Room Nine.
I kept on being nice to her.
’Cause I wanted to meet that handsome boy, of course.
“Want to be friends again, Lucille? Huh? Want to be friends like we used to be? That would be nice of us, don’t you think?”
“No,” said Lucille. “You only want to be friends so you can steal my new boyfriend.”
I did a big breath at her.
“Yeah, only how can I even steal him, Lucille?” I asked. “’Cause you are way beautifuller than me. Remember that? Remember how beautifuller than me you are?”
Lucille remembered.
She fluffed herself.
Then she showed me her new lacy socks.
“Eight dollars and fifty cents…not including tax,” she said.
I bugged out my eyes at them.
“Wowie-wow-wow. Those are some fancy feet you have there, madam!” I said.
After that, I showed Lucille my socks, too.
“See, Lucille? See mine? They are very sagging and droopy. That’s because last night me and my dog Tickle played tug-of-war with those things. And he got drooly on them.”
Lucille made a face.
“Eew,” she said.
“I know they are eew,” I said back. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, Lucille. I am a big pig. And so how can I even steal your boyfriend?”
Just then, Lucille looked nicer at me.
I scooted my chair close to her.
“Now we are friends again! Right, Lucille? Right?” I said. “And so now you can introduce me to Handsome Warren. ’Cause I won’t even steal that guy.”
Lucille fluffed herself some more.
“I don’t know…I’ll think about it,” she said.
I clapped my hands real thrilled.
Then I quick stood up on my chair.
“GRACE! HEY, GRACE!” I hollered. “LUCILLE SAID SHE’LL THINK ABOUT IT!”
Just then, I heard a different voice.
“JUNIE B. JONES! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?”
It was my teacher.
Her name is Mrs.
She has another name, too. But I just like Mrs. and that’s all.
I smiled kind of nervous.
“I am trying to get a message to Grace,” I said very soft.
Mrs. hurried up to my table.
“Never ever stand up in your chair, Junie B.,” she said. “You could fall off and break something.”
“Yeah!” shouted a meanie boy named Jim. “She could break the floor with her hard head!”
I made a fist at that kid.
“PLUS ALSO I COULD BREAK YOUR WHOLE ENTIRE BEAN BRAIN!” I hollered back.
Mrs. plopped me back in my seat.
“That’s enough,” she grouched. “I mean it, Junie B. Not one more word.”
After that, I stayed in my chair very good. And I did my work.
I did my spelling.
And my arithmetic.
And my printing.
Also, I drew a sausage patty on my arm.
Only that wasn’t even an assignment.
That is called working on your own.
Pretty soon, Mrs. clapped her loud hands together.
“Okay, everyone. It’s almost time for recess. Pass in your papers and line up at the door.”
Mrs. looked at me.
“And please…let’s be ladies and gentlemen about it.”
Ladies