Junk - Melvin Burgess [101]
Gemma was the only one who seemed to be getting better. She stopped doing jumps at the parlour. She was a heavy user, though. She was using as much as me, I reckon, and I was using a lot. And then, of course, she broke out. Trust Gemma.
There was all hell that night when the pigs turned up. Everyone knew, somehow. Lily was screaming at me, ‘Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!’ as if Gemma was sort of a part of me. Actually I had a pretty good idea it was going to happen. I didn’t know about the baby till much later, but Gemma had been going on about Lily using and having a baby, I think that really shocked her. I heard her going out of the front door that night and I knew all her clothes were in the bedroom, so it had to be something pretty weird. And she didn’t come back.
I lay there and I thought, Is this it? I just lay there. I thought I’d find out soon enough.
They hauled us all in. Me and Rob took the rap, or tried to. Lily tried to implicate Gemma but it didn’t wash.
‘It’s that bitch who rang you up – she did, didn’t she? It’s all hers, we’re just living here…’ Standing there in the middle of the floor in her short nightie with her beautiful legs all covered in needle bruises… yeah.
They’re both in care now. I’m the only one who got a custodial sentence. Lily and Rob didn’t even see the light of day, they never even got bail because they were considered to be so much at risk. Lily went with the baby into one detox centre, Rob went into another. Then straight into separate rehab centres. And there they are now, eight months later. Gemma says they’ll be moving into halfway houses in a few months. I don’t suppose either of us’ll ever see them again. Actually the comedown could have been worse. Like the nurse said, there was nowhere I could go and score. Well, that’s not strictly true. You can get any kind of drug in prison, it’s a user’s paradise, but of course I didn’t know that at the time. The thing was, I didn’t have that awful feeling – all I have to do…
Then I was depressed. I never was so depressed. Not much to say about that except I got through it. That’s one thing about being inside, you get through it, whatever it is, because you don’t have any choice. Gemma came in to visit me and I didn’t tell her how I was feeling. I just said I was keeping my head down, getting on with it, doing the things you do.
And then – like I say, I thought, Maybe it’s not so bad. Somehow my head popped up above water. I was getting through it. Look at it, after all – I’ve been clean for over three months now, for the first time in years. I might not have done it myself out of choice, but I am clean and that’s the important thing. It’s something to build on. I got a reasonable sentence. It was my second conviction, they could have given me a lot longer than eighteen months. With any luck I can be out in nine; that’s a third gone already. The other day one of the screws said to me as I was going past, ‘You’re doing well, David… keep it up.’ He smiled and nodded at me.
And I thought, Yeah… I am. I’m doing well. I was pretty pleased with myself. I’d been ill, I’d been depressed, now I’m doing all right. Some of the screws are okay. You get some horrific bastards, of course, but some are okay. And I was doing all right.
I told Gemma. She must have seen how proud I was because she laughed and said, ‘Hostage syndrome.’
‘What’s that?’
‘Loving your jailer,’ she told me, and I just smiled. She was right, I was proud I’d pleased a screw. It’s a bummer really, you feel grateful to them just for being human. But it helps and anything that helps is important.
Gems is as big as a house! She got bigger and bigger every time she came in and now she’s about ready to pop. Next time she comes in she’ll bring the baby with her. It’s due in about a week. Last