Junk - Melvin Burgess [20]
I hate my mum more than my dad, because my dad only scares me but my mum makes me feel dirty and useless. She undoes everything I want to do with myself. I felt so shit when I went away from that box. I’d promised her to come home, I promised her everything I’d sworn I wouldn’t promise. I knew I shouldn’t have rung!
She always does it. She can make me do anything. She used to do it for fun sometimes, just to amuse herself. She did it in front of Gemma when Gemma came round to see me… just talked and talked and made me go around the house doing stupid jobs for her until I got so anxious and confused I started dropping things and getting embarrassed. I saw my mum glance at Gemma. I knew what was going on. Gemma did too, I’m sure, although she never said anything. My mum was showing off.
But I’d promised her to go back and I can’t break promises… not to Mum. Not to her of all people. Now I’d have to ring Gemma and tell her not to come. Now I’d have to go back home and the whole mess’d all just carry on forever…
I was walking around for ages. I got back to the house hours later. It was late. I was hoping they’d all have gone to bed but the light was on in the basement. They’d all want to know how I’d got on.
I went away and walked around for a bit more, but the light was still on, so I thought, Oh, well, get it over with…
When I’d finished no one said a word, but then Richard got up and gave me a big hug, then Vonny… even Jerry got up and hugged me. It was… it wasn’t like they knew me so well or anything, and it felt a bit awkward at first because I’m not…my family doesn’t hug much. Sort of like it was medicine they were giving me. But then I forgot about that and clung hold of them and I had to try and try not to cry. It was so miserable.
Richard said, ‘But of course you’re not going, you know that, don’t you?’
I was so surprised. I really didn’t expect them to say that.
‘No,’ said Vonny. ‘Gemma was right about that. Leaving home was the best thing you ever did.’
I said, ‘But I promised…’
‘She made you – that’s not a promise,’ said Jerry.
‘I don’t think confessions under pressure count,’ said Richard.
‘But he’s hitting her…’
It went on for hours. I just didn’t see any way I could leave her like that. They said all sorts of things to try and convince me. Vonny reckoned that now that he’d started hitting her, he’d keep doing it, so I couldn’t stop it anyway. Richard was going on about how I wasn’t responsible, which I knew anyway but it didn’t help.
He said, ‘She can’t look after you and you can’t look after her, can you?’
Everything they said was true. I’d thought all of it myself before. The trouble was it didn’t make any difference. It didn’t matter, none of it. What mattered was, he’d started beating her up since I went away and maybe I could stop him doing it by going back…
Chapter Six
Gemma
I told him, ‘She’s lying.’
‘She wouldn’t do that,’ Tar said.
‘Wouldn’t she?’ I said, but I hardly needed to, because we both knew she would. She’d tell him she’d been to bed with Prince Charles if it suited her. And expect him to believe it.
And he would.
‘I told you not to ring her up. She’s only saying it to make you feel guilty. Same as she always does.’
There was a long pause. I could almost hear him thinking down the phone. I held my breath. Then he said, ‘I’ve done it again, haven’t I?’ And I almost crowed because I was scared stiff he’d come back, and where was I supposed to run away to then?
‘I’m so stupid.’
‘Nah, you’re just too nice,’ I said, and I would have covered him with kisses if I could.
To be honest I wasn’t half as convinced as I made out. He beats Tar up and then when Tar goes he starts on his wife. It was quite logical, except that it was equally logical that she was lying about it.
‘It seemed so typical of him to start on her…’ he said.
‘That’s why she said it. That’s what she does, doesn’t she?’
‘Yeah… I know.’
Tar and I made arrangements for Saturday. I think