Junk - Melvin Burgess [24]
Tar was worried about getting home. ‘They’ve cooked us a meal,’ he kept saying. ‘They’re really nice people, it’s rude…’ But I wasn’t interested in them.
I don’t love Tar, I’ve said that, but I didn’t half fancy him that day. I kept catching sight of myself in the windows. I was very pink in the face and I was wearing all these russety coloured things – scarf and jumper and a skirt. I should have worn jeans and things but I’d dressed up.
It was all for him, see. I wanted to feel like he could have done anything he wanted with me and I’d have let him.
We got away from the docks and into the market and I suddenly leaned against the wall and pulled him on top of me. He’s about a foot taller than me. I pulled him on me so he was leaning against me. I could see from his face what I was doing to him. Then he kissed me – a real long kiss like we were on our own in the middle of a forest or a desert and there was no one within a hundred miles and we could do anything we liked.
I said, ‘Wow…’
‘Yeah, wow.’
I wanted him to touch me so much I think I’d have dragged him into a shop doorway but there were too many people about. But that was okay. There was always later on.
We got to the squat in the end. I was impressed, actually. I mean, he’d found a place to stay, got himself a bunch of people who weren’t just prepared to put him up, they were even willing to feed him. He’d only been away two weeks and he had the whole of that side of it worked out. The only thing he didn’t have was a scene… you know, people to hang around with. Friends. You couldn’t put Richard, Jerry and Vonny in that class. They were too old and too nice. To tell the truth I found it a bit put on. The girl, Vonny, came over and gave me a kiss and a hug, and I hugged her back and grinned, but she hardly knew me. And I didn’t get the impression she approved of me all that much.
Richard was a bit weird, grinning all over the place, but he was fun. I think he was shy or something. Jerry was okay, he was fairly normal but even he was putting it on a bit. I felt like they could have been vampires in disguise for all I saw of the real them. You had the feeling they were nice because they’d decided it was the fashion to be nice. You could see them working out how to be nice. For all I knew they were probably no nicer than I am.
Now, if it’d been me, I’d have been sleeping in doorways and eating toenail clippings. But I’d have found a crowd to do it with, I expect. I guess I’m not all that interested in niceness. Sometimes people call me nice but that’s just because I can make them feel happy. Inside, I just want to have a good time, enjoy myself.
I expect I’ll get found out one day.
The first bad sign was that the meal Richard had made for us was drying out in the oven. Richard didn’t care. When I said we’d been sightseeing he beamed at the ceiling as if it was the most exciting thing in the world and said, ‘Oh, that’s all right.’ Vonny was a bit put out, though, even though she hadn’t cooked it. Well, except she’d made an apple pie for pudding.
Over the apple pie Vonny said, ‘How long are you staying with us, Gemma?’ And there was this pause. I could feel them all looking at me.
I thought… oho. Because it wasn’t, do you think you’ll like living here, but, how long…
I just smiled and I said, ‘I don’t know. I just don’t know…’ And I smiled and they smiled and Tar smiled.
Like I say… they were all very nice.
Later on we went to the pub. It was good, sitting in there drinking half pints of lager. They had to sneak me and Tar in slightly, in case the barman refused to serve us.
They wanted to know if I’d heard anything about Tar’s mum. So we talked about that for about an hour which made him utterly miserable. Mind you, they seemed to have a good time.
After a bit it turned out they were all anarchists. That took me back a bit. I mean, I don’t know much about it, but aren’t anarchists supposed to go around blowing