Junk - Melvin Burgess [47]
‘I can spell, I can spell,’ grumbled the copper.
‘Michael,’ I said, climbing out of the skip. That copper was so thick he never clicked till I was halfway through my address, ‘Six, Mousehole Road, Disneyland.’
The last thing this copper wanted was to turn up at the station with a kid on a charge of nicking from skips. He was just throwing his weight around, having a bit of fun, see.
‘Now listen here, sonny…’ he goes.
I says, ‘Right, let’s go round the station and you can arrest me in front of all your mates, okay? What’s the charge – unlawful possession of rubbish?’
There was this pause while the policeman looked at me, a real nasty look, like I was a piece of dog shit. They don’t like being sussed. The thing to remember is, not to mind being arrested. What have they got then?
‘Clever little git, aren’t you?’ he said.
‘Cleverer than you,’ I said, which was true, but no compliment to me. Then I legged it. He went after me but he stopped pretty quick.
‘Pity your brain isn’t as big as your gob,’ I yelled. He just turned away and pretended nothing was happening. He was scared he’d look a prat chasing me. He did already.
After we dumped the wood we went round to my mate Dev’s place. We sat and had a few joints. I slid out the back with Dev to do business and have a chase. When we came back out, Tar was sitting there going on to Sals about skips and how ‘mazing it was what people threw out and all that. He was so full of himself, so I thought, Right, lesson number two.
Actually we should have gone back to see Lils. She’d be feeling a bit ragged by now. But I was having a good time, I liked the guy and… well, Lils is pretty tough ‘n’ all. So I took him down town and we had a look in the shops.
I was going to go straight round to Marks & Spencer’s and show him how to liberate the food, but on the way we passed by an Allen’s bookshop.
Inside they had this absurd book on display. It was enormous, about half a metre tall – one of those art photograph books – black and white piccies. Naked women but not rude. Well, some of them were pretty rude, actually, but art rude, you know? The sort of stuff you’re allowed to look at.
Old Tar loved all that. He kept going through it and discovering pictures even more wonderful than the last one. Look at this, wow, look at that one. He really went for it. That sort of thing doesn’t do anything for me. I mean, I liked the rude ones, but he actually liked them for other reasons. My favourite thing about that book was the price. Sixty quid! For a book! Christ. That was a work of art, whoever thought that up ought to get a grant. I don’t think anyone was meant to buy it, it was there as a kind of advertisement. You know, see what an amazing bookshop we are, we have books so expensive that no one can even afford them!
He said, ‘Someone’ll really buy it and it’ll be theirs then.’
‘I should coco,’ I said.
‘It’d be like owning the sky or something,’ said Tar.
I was getting to really like him.
I was half thinking of lifting a few books but the shop assistants were taking an interest so I figured we’d better move on.
Marks & Spencer’s. I was having a good time and I thought, It’s time for a celebration… us meeting them and them meeting us… and because Gemma was coming to live with us, although he didn’t know that yet.
We were standing by the meat section. I said, ‘Are you two veggies?’
‘No.’
I stuffed a couple of fat packets of steak in the basket.
‘Look, I don’t have any money,’ said Tar, looking all nervous.
‘Neither have I.’
We walked down the aisle. I didn’t let him see when I tucked it under my coat. He just suddenly noticed that the basket was empty. I saw him out of the corner of my eye looking at the floor behind him to see if I’d dropped the stuff.
Then it clicked.
Poor old Tar! His face nearly fell off. I got a couple of cans of beans to buy and we stood in the queue. I was getting nervous myself by this time, despite the chase I’d done earlier. Tar was so scared and twitchy, he was looking round all over the place to see if anyone was watching us. I thought