Junk - Melvin Burgess [86]
But we love each other… that can’t be a bad thing, can it? How can love be bad?
Nancy says, ‘If you love her, stick with her, Tar.’ She split up with her husband over her addiction, and it didn’t do her any good. She’s in as big a mess as ever.
The point about therapy isn’t that what everyone says is necessarily true. It makes you think, that’s the point. It makes you challenge yourself. All that stuff about Gemma has made me really think about me and her, and the more I think about it, the more I know I love her.
There’s this bloke there, Ron. He’s Scottish and he’s been through everything. Sometimes he gets aggressive but he’s actually a very warm sort of bloke. He’s been on booze, on heroin – he’s even been on cough mixture. That’s the first cough mixture addict I’ve ever met. It’s funny because… I mean, he’s a weak person. We all are, that’s why we’re here. But he’s helped a lot of people see things about themselves. He’s so perceptive. And yet when people say things about him, he just can’t handle it.
Anyway, it was last week. We were in therapy; it was my turn on the spot. We were talking about my mum. We often end up talking about my mum. It’s the obvious thing because she’s an addict same as me, and because she’s a victim same as me, getting knocked around by my dad. Then suddenly Ron sat up and said, ‘All right, we’ve been talking about your mum and how she’s a victim and how she’s made you a victim and all the things you have in common with your mum. Right. What about your dad? What have you got in common with your dad? What about a bit of sympathy for the old man?’
That really threw it up in the air. There was a real argument that day. I just sat there and listened to start off with. Some of the women were really offended.
‘We’re talking about a man that beats women, we’re talking about a man that beats his own wife and son.’
‘Aye, but what did she do to him? She was a dab hand at the old guilt, I bet… I bet she knew how to wrap him round her little finger, because I’ll tell you, I’ve met women like that before and, I tell you, they’re no helpless. In fact, I’m willing to bet she was the one who wore the trousers in that house.’
‘It’s not the same thing!’ shouted this woman. She was getting really angry. The guide kept trying to bring it back to me, but I just couldn’t answer. It was true. I’d never thought about it but my mum was the boss. He used to knock me around and she used to live in fear of him coming home. But she was the boss, all right. She used to wrap me round one little finger, and she used to wrap him round the other one.
‘How about it, David?’ said Ron, leaning across and grinning at me. ‘How would you like to go back there and give the old woman a good kicking… just like your da? Eh? Perhaps he had the right idea… eh?’
You should have heard the screech when he said that!
‘That’s no way to solve his problems.’
‘I didn’t say it was. I didn’t say he ought to do it. I just asked him how he’d like to do it… Right, listen… I’ve hit women before now and I may even do it again.’
‘Are you threatening me? Are you threatening me?’
‘No, listen… no, I’m not… I’m saying…’ It was getting really loud, people shouting and roaring. ‘No, look, I expect sympathy, so why not Tar’s dad? Why shouldn’t he have a bit of sympathy? I mean, it’s worth a question, is it not? I mean you don’t stop being a human being if you hit a woman, do you? Or am I not allowed to ask questions? I understood it was a free therapy session…’
This woman, her name was Sue, was getting really upset. She’d been beaten up over and over again by her husband. I felt sorry for her because she was just learning to stand up for herself and here was Ron coming out with all this.
He said I ought to ring up my dad and find out how he was and how he felt.
It completely blew my mind.
‘All right, he’s got the muscles, he loses it every now and then and lashes out, but why? How is he being