Kushiel's Avatar - Jacqueline Carey [135]
Somehow, I was not surprised.
Thus ended our fête in Nineveh, with our entire company thrown into disarray.
It was Lord Amaury Trente who spoke most bluntly to me, once he grasped my plan. "You understand that I cannot countenance it?" he said, pacing and frowning. "It is little short of madness, Phèdre. If I had an ounce more sense, I'd have you clapped in chains."
"I understand, my lord," I said calmly to him.
He shook his head. "You know that the Queen would never permit such a thing? Name of Elua, I'm not even sure that Shahrizai she-devil would ask it of you!"
"I know, my lord," I said. "It is not Melisande Shahrizai who asks it."
Lord Amaury sighed. "All right, then; listen to me, Phèdre nó Delaunay. I have agreed to pay the asking-price of Prince Sinaddan's guide, who may I add, is a misbegotten Persian-born brigand who would sell his own mother for gold. He was one of the mountain-guides on the last expedition, and fled before the slaughter. And I have gotten Sinaddan to agree to send an armed escort with you as far as the Drujani border, which," he added, "I will accompany. From thence, you are on your own, provided — " He held up a cautionary finger. "Provided Joscelin Verreuil goes with you. Understand me, Phèdre. If the Cassiline does not agree to it, I will not let you go."
I nodded. "I understand, my lord. I am grateful that you are willing to take such a risk."
Amaury Trente looked sourly at me. "Make no mistake, I'm not happy about it."
Thus, Lord Amaury.
It left only Joscelin, who had not spoken to me for two days, not since he had divined the nature of my plan. What he did in that time, I cannot say, save that he spent a good deal of it walking the city of Nineveh. No one bothered him. Small surprise, with his grim expression and the sword strapped across his back, the daggers riding low at his hips. I waited until he came to me. There was a time he might not have done so. Ten years ago, in La Serenissima, he had walked out on me, and I'd not been sure he would return.
This time, I was.
I heard the shrieks in the women's quarter of our inn, and knew. No more, and no less. When he made up his mind, proprieties would not deter him. I looked at Renée, gazing wide-eyed at the door. "It is Joscelin," I said. "My dear, you don't want to be here for this."
She didn't argue, donning her veil hastily and slipping out the door past him even as he entered, oblivious to her fleeting presence.
"Phèdre," he said, a world of agony in the word; a single word, my name. It is an ill-luck name, I have always said so. "Do you know what you are asking?"
"Yes," I said steadily. "I am asking you to take me to Daršanga and sell me into the seraglio of the Mahrkagir of Drujan."
He turned away, hands clenched into fists; I heard the leather straps of his vambraces creak in protest. "A man who breeds death as another breeds life."
"Yes." My voice betrayed me by trembling. "Elua! Do you think I'm not terrified?"
"Then why?" Joscelin turned around, blue eyes blazing, innocent as a summer sky, filled with all the love and outrage in his being. "Blessed Elua, Phèdre, why? Do you care so little for me? Does Melisande's son mean so much to you? Is the desire that pricks you so unbearable? Why?"
"No," I answered, shaking. "No." I gazed at him, though it hurt to look at him. "Do you remember, on the ship, what we spoke of?Joscelin, it is Elua himself who asks it of me. I swear to you, I would not ask this for anything less."
With a low sound, like an animal brought to bay, he dropped to his knees, hiding his face in his hands. "It is too hard," he said, his voice muffled.
"I know," I said softly, crossing the room and laying my hands on his head. "Believe me, my love, I know."
Joscelin's arms rose unbidden, holding me hard about the waist. "To damnation and beyond," he whispered, hot against