Kushiel's Dart - Jacqueline Carey [99]
Delaunay looked at me, quill suspended in midair. "He what? Why? Why would Alcuin do that?"
My lord, I thought, you are an idiot. "For you."
Delaunay set the quill down slowly, taking care not to blot the letter. I had seen the address, it was to the Prefect of the Cassiline Brotherhood; to ask if Guy could be buried as a member of their order, I assumed. He shook his head, denying my suggestion. "I would never have asked him to take such a risk. Never. Either of you. Alcuin knew that!"
"Yes, my lord," I said cautiously. "We both of us knew; it is why he did not tell you, and swore me to silence. But the service of Naamah is not in his blood, as it is in mine. He swore himself to it to ... to settle the debt between you."
Guy's words; I saw the blood leave Delaunay's face to hear them. "There was no debt between us," he whispered. "My duty to Alcuin lay elsewhere."
"In the promise of Prince Rolande de la Courcel?"
"He was my liege-lord!" Delaunay's voice was harsh. I shrank back at it and he saw, relenting. "Ah, Phedre ... I have trained you too well. Alcuin should have known, there is no debt between us."
"Then perhaps he is right, and you should have trained him to arms rather than bedchambers and intrigues, if you would have honored the memory of your liege," I said remorselessly. If my words were cruel, well, I make no apology. That night was too fresh in my mind, the cold stones and Alcuin's blood ebbing between my fingers.
"Perhaps," Delaunay murmured, no protest at my unkindness, gazing past me at some memory beyond my ken. "Perhaps I should."
I loved him too well to make him suffer. "Alcuin chose knowing what he did, my lord. Do not belittle what he has done for you. He grieves that Guy paid the price for it. Allow him the dignity of his grief, and he will come around. You will see."
"I hope you have the right of it." His gaze sharpened. "Nevermore, then. Alcuin's marque is made. And you . . ."
"I am pledged to Naamah, my lord," I reminded him gently. "You cannot absolve me of that, no more than Alcuin could break his own pledge."
"No." Delaunay picked up his quill. "But my words stand. No assignations, until Bouvarre is settled." He dipped his quill; I had pressed him to the limit of what he would discuss. Reluctantly, I cleared my throat. "Yes?" he asked, glancing up.
"There is the delegate posted to Khebbel-im-Akkad," I reminded him. "The one who developed . . . exotic tastes ... in his posting? He is reporting to the King in some ten days' time, and I am contracted for his pleasure."
"The lordling from L'Envers' retinue." Delaunay tapped the pinion-end of the quill against his lower lip, lost in thought. "I had forgotten about him. D'Essoms must have commended you." He glanced down at his letter. "Bide, then, and we will see. If it come to it... well, we can claim tragedy in the household, and truly enough. But we shall see."
I bowed my head in silent acknowledgement, having no desire to press him further. Only the weight of his regard forced me to look up again.
"Do not do this thing for my sake, Phedre," he said gently. "If it is only for love of me ... I beg you, let us beseech the priesthood of Naamah, and find another way to absolve you of your oath. Surely there is a way, for Naamah is compassionate."
I gazed at his beloved face, and the red haze rose in my vision un-compelled, moving from my left eye to obscure the whole of my sight. Behind Delaunay, Kushiel's face floated, stern and uncompromising, and in his hands he bore the rod and flail. In my skin, I shivered. I thought of Alcuin, and Guy. "No, my lord," I murmured, and blinked. My vision cleared. "It is you who put a name to what I am and made it a glory, and not shame, but it is Kushiel who chose me for it. Let me serve as I was made to do, whether it be in your name or Naamah's."
After a moment, Delaunay acceded with a curt nod. "Then let it be, only wait upon my word," he said, and returned to his letter.
Thus was the matter settled between us, and if I was at fault, it was only in failing to mark the significance