Kushiel's Justice - Jacqueline Carey [279]
"Your mother?" I asked.
"Yours," he said.
"Twice." I took a swig of starka. "The first time, I was eight years old. Brother Selbert, the head priest at the Sanctuary where I was raised, took me to see her. I didn't know who she was. He told me she had been a friend of my parents. I thought she was wonderful. She was the most beautiful lady I'd ever seen, so kind to me, and her voice was like honey. I could have sat at her feet and listened to her for hours. The second time …" I took another swig. "I wanted to spit in her face.”
"I think I would have," Maslin said.
"You know, she's still out there." I waved one arm. "Somewhere. That man who took a spear for me in Lucca, she sent him to watch over me. He told me so, and then he died and took her secrets with him." I contemplated the wineskin and took one more gulp before passing it to Maslin. "If there's one good thing about being stuck out here in the wilderness, it's that I've finally outrun her reach.”
"True," Maslin said. "But you're going back.”
"Not to her," I said.
He shrugged. "As you say, she's still out there.”
Chapter Sixty-Two
Several days later, we reached Miroslas.
The evening before we arrived, Maslin did me a kindness for which I truly will remain grateful to him. The days had grown so short that we were forced to spend many long hours idling around our campsites, unable to travel in darkness. Still, we made good progress during the daylight hours, and I knew we were getting closer.
After wrestling with the issue in my mind, I was resolved to stop there if we came upon it. If we missed it, I would press onward. But I felt somehow that I owed the Rebbe honesty. I would aim for Miroslas and let fate decide.
Maslin didn't agree, but he didn't argue the matter. After all, when all was said and done, he wasn't guilty of anything but trying to protect me, knowing full well that I was innocent of espionage. I was the one who had killed both the Tarkovan guards.
And Berlik.
During the lengthy nights, I told Maslin, bit by bit, what had passed between us. There were parts of the tale that confused him, but when I spoke of the difficulty of killing Berlik, he was more understanding than I would have reckoned.
"Nothing's ever as simple as it seems, is it?" he said.
"Not in my experience," I said.
"Imriel…" He hesitated, then nodded at the bag containing Berlik's head, tied to a tree-branch. "I understand better why you're reluctant to do what Urist recommended. But you've got to do somewhat about it.”
I shuddered. "I know, I know.”
Maslin was silent a moment. "I'll do it.”
"It's my duty," I said.
"I know." He rose decisively and began packing one of our pots with snow. "But…name of Elua, man! Haven't you seen enough horror? I might not have come here for good and honorable reasons, but I'm here. At least let me make it meaningful.”
I opened my mouth to protest, then closed it. "Thank you.”
It was a long, ugly job. It took the better part of an hour to get a full kettle of snowmelt boiling. I made myself look when Maslin fetched the bag and removed Berlik's head. It was frozen solid as a rock, and it had frozen so swiftly that it was perfectly preserved. His bloodless skin was as pale as frost, save for the woad markings. His eyes were closed. He still looked peaceful. In a way, Berlik looked happier in death than I'd ever seen him in life.
"Kushiel's mercy on you," I whispered.
Maslin jerked his head. "Now go away.”
I went some distance from the campfire and sat under a tree. I didn't watch as he lowered the head into the boiling water. I'd fetched Hugues' flute from my pack. I played it with my eyes closed, low and quiet. I thought about the harpist Ferghus, who had walked out of the gloaming to sing for his supper at Innisclan, summoned by his half-breed son Conor. I tried to remember the song he had played for us, the story of a magician of the Maghuin Dhonn and how he had sacrificed himself to save his people from Tiberium's conquest. I did my best to play it, until my fingers grew too cold to feel the flute's holes and I had to cease