Kushiel's Justice - Jacqueline Carey [325]
At other times, there didn't.
So many uncertainties, so many things to ponder! We tried, Sidonie and I, to find a time to talk freely without the world listening. But there was little privacy on the road by day, and hushed conversations in her pavilion by night turned quickly to somewhat else. We had been parted for far, far too long.
All too soon, we arrived at Bryn Gorrydum.
I would have been content to have the journey last longer. It was an in-between time, a happy time. Such times never last. True to his word, Drustan had held off speaking to me about my relationship with his eldest daughter until we reached Bryn Gorrydum. But that first night, he did. It was a quiet affair, a dinner amongst family and friends. When Sidonie rose to retire, Drustan shook his head at me.
So I stayed.
Everyone else left, taking their cues from the Cruarch of Alba. I slid down the bench to sit opposite Drustan, pouring uisghe for us both. I'd celebrated my Alban nuptials in this great hall. I'd composed a heartfelt poem in Dorelei's honor. I'd fought with staves against some fellow named Goraidh and won. And on the night we'd wed, I'd lain sleepless, creeping at last from the bed we shared to read the letter Sidonie had sent to me. Here in this very hall, I'd removed the croonie-stone from around my throat; laughed and wept and realized I truly did love her, madly and hopelessly and always.
I sat across from Drustan and folded my hands on the table.
He cleared his throat. "Sidonie.”
I nodded. "I love her, my lord.”
"I can see that." Drustan shook his head impatiently. It was a gesture Sidonie had inherited. I'd never noticed before; he didn't do it often in public, any more than she did. "The both of you make it quite obvious. By the Boar, Imriel! You will always be family. I said that to you. Do you recall?”
My heart ached. "I do, my lord.”
He fixed me with a hard gaze. "You knew then, didn't you?”
"Yes," I said steadily. "And mayhap I should have spoken to you, but I was grievously hurt and racked by guilt. Of a surety, I should have spoken to you before Dorelei and I wed. My lord, I will tell you what I told your wife. I have known since Sidonie was sixteen. We doubted. We were afraid; too young, too uncertain. We should have trusted Blessed Elua's precept. We did not. That was our mistake.”
"And now you stand to make a hypocrite of me," Drustan murmured.
"My lord!" I protested.
He held up one hand and drained his cup. I refilled it. "I will not oppose your union," he said in his direct manner. "Neither will I support it. I would have you understand why.”
"I'm listening," I said.
"I think you're a fine young man, Imriel," Drustan said. "You've overcome a great deal in your life. You were raised by two people I trust beyond all doubt. You served Alba well; in truth, better than Alba served you. And I would indeed be a hypocrite of the worst kind if I believed that you were worthy of my niece, but not my daughter." His mouth twisted wryly. "Urist was kind enough to point that out to me.”
"Urist has been good to me," I said.
"He's come to respect you," Drustan said. "Which is another point in your favor. I value Urist's judgment. If he says you were a good lord of Clunderry and a good husband to Dorelei, I believe it to be true.”
I swirled the uisghe in my cup. "And yet.”
"And yet." Drustan nodded. "Imriel, Ysandre was scarce older than you are now when she took the throne and inherited a realm poisoned by treason, poised on the brink of utter conquest." His voice was gentle. "You've seen battle, I know. I do not think you can imagine the scope of this war. Ysandre is strong and determined. She was always prepared to defend the throne from those who sought to usurp it from within, and to defend the borders of Terre d'Ange from those who sought to assail it from without. But never in her darkest dreams did she suspect one of