Kushiel's Justice - Jacqueline Carey [51]
"I take your point," I muttered.
"Good," Joscelin said. He squeezed my arm and released it. "And if a year passes and you both feel the same way, at least she'll have gained her majority. If she wants to defy her mother and the peerage, she'll have the legal standing to do so. And if you want leave Alba to be with her, Elua knows, Phèdre and I will move heaven and earth for you.”
I smiled a little. "Promise?”
"Against my better judgment, yes." Joscelin smiled back at me. "You know, in a way, it makes my heart glad to see you like this. There was a time I wasn't sure…" His voice faded and I knew we were both thinking about Daršanga. Butchery in the festal hall, the screams of dying women, blood running in channels between the flagstones.
"I know," I said softly. "You, too.”
"Elua's grace is a mysterious thing," he murmured. "Still…Sidonie?”
I laughed. "Strange to say, yes." I tipped my cup and downed the last swallow. "Joscelin, is love supposed to make you feel like you're sick and dying, and mad enough to hit someone, and drunk with joy, and your heart's a boulder in your chest trying to burst into a thousand pieces, all at once?”
"Mm-hmm." He finished his ale. "That would be love.”
Chapter Eleven
I told Sidonie about my conversation with Joscelin, or at least parts of it. Apart from my single declaration, we still hadn't spoken openly about love.
Alarm flashed in her eyes. "He's not going to say anything, is he?”
"No, of course not." I regarded her. "Sidonie, truly. What do you think would happen if we were found out?”
"Truly?" She thought about it. "I think my mother would dismiss Amarante and anyone in else my retinue likely to be the least bit sympathetic. I think she would lock me in my quarters and give me a lecture that blistered my ears, double my guard and fill it with men loyal to her and order them to report on my whereabouts every minute of the day. I think she would pack you off to Alba on the next ship." Sidonie gave me a level look. "And I think my uncle would try to have you killed at the first opportunity.”
"I see." Her tone chilled my blood. "Why on earth does he hate me so much? On the long list of people with reason to bear grudges against Melisande Shahrizai's son, he's nowhere near the top.”
"No," she said slowly. "He's a strange man and an ambitious one. I think he conceived a plan in Khebbel-im-Akkad to create a dynasty for House L'Envers with ties to other powerful nations. But he didn't know my great-grandfather was plotting the same thing with Alba until it was too late and his daughter was already wed to the Khalif's son. Which, in the end, gained him very little here in Terre d'Ange and cost him his best pawn.”
"So his plan failed. Come here." I tugged her down beside me on the bed. "Still, it's nothing to do with me.”
"No, I know." Sidonie nestled against me. "I don't know, Imriel. It all happened so long before either of us were born.”
"It's not fair, is it?" I murmured.
"To you least of all." She took my hand and kissed it, then placed it on her chest. Beneath her soft, warm skin I could feel the steady beat of her heart under my palm. Her dark, lustrous eyes were filled with unwavering trust. "Truly? I think it simply drives him mad to think that after all the spectacular failure of your mother's schemes, you're two heartbeats away from inheriting the throne.”
"But I don't want it," I said. "Just you.”
Sidonie smiled sadly. "It's a hard case to prove.”
"We could demonstrate," I suggested, and she laughed and kissed me until we forgot all about Barquiel L'Envers and the disapproving world beyond the door of the bedchamber, making oblivious love until Amarante had to interrupt us to summon her mistress to dine with the Queen, standing over the bed where we lay sweating and entangled until we realized